One Day At A Time...

Christmas Vacation

2011-12-13T22:52:00.002-06:00

Is it just me, or do the holidays bring out the crazies? I'll even go as far as to say, it brings out some of the crazy in me! I love the holidays, but I wish I enjoyed them more. Translation: I really love the childhood feelings and excitement of Christmas, but I wish I could enjoy it more without some of the stress. I would say I'm one of those that has a harder time during the holidays. It's a time of reflection, and a time that you think of memories. When you're thinking about memories that involve those you don't have with you anymore- it kinda hurts a little.

This year is going to be a little different. Madi and Kyle are going to be going to Nebraska for the break. This will be the first year they've been away from me and the first Christmas they've been with their Dad in the last 5 years. It's overdue- definitely and I'm excited for them. I'm excited to have a quiet house. However, I know I will be missing that noise pretty quickly. They're so excited, and I couldn't be happier for them...but ya know. It's the holidays...it's hectic...it's crazy, and my babies won't be with me. My plan is to have some fun with Mason, and do some things I want to. Maybe get a massage, a pedicure and do some after Christmas shopping. I have off over a week, so I think I can find time to do those things!

I'm counting down the days to sleeping in that's for sure. I need a break. I've worked so much and it's been a blessing, but a sacrifice of my sanity, I'm afraid. It's time to sit back and relax!! Starting December 23rd- I will be doing just that!!

Sunday afternoon coffee and chat time

2011-11-06T14:31:00.004-06:00

I was always told that one day the kids would get older and I wouldn't be so tired. I'm still tired, but I do have more free moments. Like now...it's quiet and it's just me and my afternoon coffee. And maybe a little bit of leftover Halloween candy too. ;)

Barrett and Kyle spent the morning hunting and Madi is at a friend's house playing. Mason and I had a chance to eat lunch together and go to one of his favorite places; Quick Quack car wash.

This fall has been very busy. Madi and Kyle are both playing basketball and for two more weeks Kyle will attend a chess camp at Tech. In the Spring we will let Mason start playing soccer. I feel like we're coming and going all of the time and we're not even as involved as some parents are in sports and stuff. Between work, church, family and friends there isn't a lot of room for much more than what we're doing already. Besides that, call me crazy, but I just don't think I was cut out for more than that.

As a family we've been trying to make some decisions for our future. The whole "baby" topic comes and goes. No, I am not pregnant, and don't have any plans to be in the next 6 months as least. My issue with it that I have a hard time being a good mom to 3 kids, and I wonder what a 4th is going to do to the mix. I'll be 34 in March, which is kind of putting me on a biological time line for this to happen too. Barrett and I both want to have one, but it's just not that simple- as most of you know, I'm sure. This summer we're planning on buying a house too which is kind of a financial commitment as well. There's just so much to think about...but I keep telling myself that while planning good- it's really pretty silly. Honestly, whose plans ever turn out like they want them to? We can plan all day long, but I know good and well, that what God wants to happen will happen, and His plan is perfect. My human mind just really wants to control all of the planning right now. So for now, I'll just try to remain calm about everything and know in the end if will all be right.

Our friend from church is doing our family pics next Saturday- and I'm soooo excited. Sadly, this will be our first family picture since the wedding. Shame on me- but I'm glad we're just going to get it done. I know they're going to be awesome!

Changes

2011-10-24T21:28:00.003-05:00

I mentioned that we made a few changes. One of the changes that we made that has me so absolutely thrilled is the hiring of a maid. For a long time we had said we were going to do it, but we never got around to it. I think we would both live under the fallacy that we can handle this is we will just focus and clean up after ourselves. As soon as got off the boat that left the river of denial, we finally wised up and hired one. Last Monday was her first day. She cleaned for 8 hours...8 hours ya'll. Our house isn't very big either. I can't tell you what this change has done for the both of us, in particular me. I'm proud to say that my sanity is no longer at stake. I'm additionally happy that we have kept things clean. Once you're paying for it, you pay more attention to the house and pick up after yourselves. It's also been easier to stay on top of the kids. This change also allows for us to spend more quality time together, because I'm not constantly focused on cleaning something. It's awesome and amazing and I couldn't be happier with the addition to our lives. She's going to come every two weeks. For us it's been so worth the money.

Two Years

2011-10-22T21:21:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow Barrett and I will have been married two years...two years...that's really hard to believe. It's been a fast, exciting, overwhelming, tremendous, fun, and full of transition for us two years. I'd say we're out of the honey moon stage, and on to other things.

We attended a marriage seminar this weekend that we both really enjoyed. One of the points that was made was what is this new chapter in your marriage going to be called? I don't really know. Barrett and I both agree that right now in our lives we've really seen the importance of making some changes in our lives for the betterment of our family. I'm encouraged that we're also looking to make some changes in our marriage as well. I live life with the notion that if we're not doing anything, then we're not really going anywhere. Really though, going no where is going somewhere- but it may not be somewhere good. I believe in being proactive in marriage and continually working on your marriage, although your marriage may not be "bad"- it can always be "better". Just like as individuals we can always be "better". I'm thankful to be married to someone who feels the same way and who will walk that journey with me.

I wonder what the next two years will look like?

2011-10-12T21:03:00.003-05:00

I'm doing this 40 Days of Thankfulness on Facebook- surely that's self explanatory. I'm only on Day 3, but it's funny how much it's really made me think about my day differently than I used to. I HAVE to find something good about everyday. While that shouldn't be difficult, sometimes I think I tend to over complicate it. I've noticed that since I've focused more on looking for positives, more have shown up. Which is good, because I've really been working on my attitude. My attitude hasn't been bad, but it hasn't been good. I was finding myself losing sight of the things I know to be true, and really just in a funk of blah. I hate blah- because blah is full of nothingness to me.

So in addition to being more positive, I/we have made a few other changes. I'm excited about them. Change is hard though, especially when you've been doing the same ole' thing for so long. This dog doesn't want to do any new tricks, but I really need to for the sake of myself and my family. I'll share more later about that.

Another light bulb moment happened to me this morning. I listen to Christian radio a lot. At the beginning of the year, they chose one word that they want to be the theme of their year for their life. Something along the lines of "peace- simplicity- clarity" etc...I thought and thoughts and never came up with anything I really liked until today. Since I started so late in the year, I'm going to use this word for a pretty good while. It's "priorities"...that really says it all to me and no explanation is needed.

Hope all is well with you!

New year...new things...new beginnings

2011-08-21T20:31:00.003-05:00

I really didn't want school to start this year and for that's not normal for me. I've always been one who was very ready to get back into the routine and ready for more structure. As the kids have aged, it's gotten easier though because they're more independent. For us this summer was great. It was pretty easy, and I've loved the later bedtime and less of the "mad rush" when I get home from work to get everything done.

But today I finally got a little exited. I got the kids rooms cleaned and isn't it just the best feeling when you clean something? It is to me. I can almost breathe better when you know things are cleaned out and tucked away. I won't tell you how many bags of trash I removed from their rooms, because that's just embarrassing, but it was a lot. Their clothes are picked out, their lunches made and we'll take our annual "first day of school" picture in the morning.

I love the new- I love the fresh start and all that comes with it. This year will bring ups and downs, but we're in such a good place and I'm so thankful for that. We couldn't ask for anything more than we have now...life is good!

What's it all for?

2011-08-16T21:41:00.002-05:00

"Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being" Matthew 6:19-21

Today we got back our annual health screenings from work that tell us how healthy we are, or aren't. I'm pretty healthy- for the most part. I guess there's always a few things that we could do better on with our health. I think it's funny though how one day as you get older you realize the importance of taking care of yourself. Daily exercise isn't just something you do, so you'll look good, but it's good for your "cardiovascular health"...health, smealth...no really, I get the importance of why it's important to be healthy. I want to live as long as I can, and see my children and grandchildren grow up. I want to grow old with Barrett and sit on our porch and watch the sun set. However, I often allow myself to be so caught up in this world and easily forget that this world isn't my home. While we're here it's important to live a good life, and pay our bills, and get a good job, and a degree that will further our career, but it's amazing how quickly all of those things become our focus. We some how get lost in driving a really nice car, and upgrading our house, and we have to have "this" and "that"...and some how it seems to spiral out of control, for what is a necessity and really just a desire. Don't get me wrong, I love nice things. In fact, I admit I suffer from the "I want, I want, I want" syndrome. It's a very difficult disease to have, and the only course of treatment I've found is a good dose of reality and God humbling my heart and helping me to realize that although I may want, I don't need. He will supply all of my needs, and He is my daily bread.

Perfect end to our summer...

2011-08-15T15:24:00.002-05:00

We got back yesterday from Arlington. We had so much fun with the kids. It was their first time at Six Flags, and it had been many years since either Barrett or I had been there as well. It was so fun watching the excitement through their eyes! They were so amazed at everything, and it was fun to just be able to do anything we wanted with no time constraints or limits. When they wanted a coke, they drank a coke, when they wanted a snack, they had a snack...they just had fun being kids.

The boys wore about about 6 p.m. so Barrett took them back to the hotel. We stayed in a hotel right by the park so that we could go back to the hotel if we needed to. They had a trolley service that picked up every hour. Madi and I stayed till 10 p.m. and closed down the park! We had so much fun shopping, eating and riding rides together. It was a great time of bonding that we don't get very often.

So now back to real life. I go back to work tomorrow and school starts on Monday. We finished up our school clothes shopping today, and Open House is on Thursday night. I just can't believe it's that time again. I've enjoyed this summer so much, and I'm not sure I'm ready for homework mode again. :-] But it's here, so get ready!!! And I will definitely be looking for some cooler weather!!!

Living with Perspective

2011-08-02T19:19:00.003-05:00

I like having a perspective, for the most part. A good perspective can change the way you look at anything! Like I said, I like perspective except for those times when I wonder if the perspective I'm trying to have is attempting to make me feel better about something or a certain situation. I don't like struggling with my faith, that I know I should have, because I don't understand what's going on around me. I "stumbled" across some verses in Habakkuk the other day. I haven't read the whole book, but what I did read made me think about something I hadn't thought about in a long time. “Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if I told you.” (1:5) “Then the Lord replied: Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation waits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and not delay. See, he is puffed up; his desires are not upright - but the righteous will live by his faith.” (2:2-4)

We need rain like you wouldn't believe around here- it's terrible. And it's so stinkin' hot. Our economy is less than stellar...and it seems all we hear is lies, lies, lies in politics. I don't know who to believe anymore. A little 13 year old boy hung himself yesterday. I didn't know him well, but I have a few pictures of him around here, because his mother dated my cousin for about 3 years. That disturbs me on such a level I can't even explain to you. Just like a little girl who was shot a couple of months by a total accident while she was rabbit hunting with her grandfather. What gives?? Moments like these really challenge my perspective...and more so my faith. My limited perspective doesn't understand and hurts for those who are hurting and will continue to hurt for a really long time.

"...It waits (the revelation) for an appointed time, and will not prove false. Though it linger; wait for it; it will certainly come and not delay."

I'm hangin' my hat on that perspective today. That's all I know to do today, and maybe tomorrow and the next weeks.

Catching up...

2011-07-24T17:09:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy two months. We managed to make it through the end of school, much to my pleasure. I was so glad to have that done and over with! At least the summer allows for a little more flexibility, although I still put in full 40 hours a week at work. The kids have enjoyed themselves. They're still going to the place where they attend after school care which is also the same place they attended last summer. It's a Christian church and they do one field trip a day of a lot of fun stuff. I'm actually kind of jealous!

Right now Madi and Kyle are in Nebraska. We dropped them off yesterday with Nathan and his fiancee. They will return on August 5th, when Nathan's mom brings them back. They will also go back up there for almost a week the end of August/1st of September for Nathan's wedding. Mason stayed with my parent's this weekend and will stay with Barrett's parents next weekend. It's been so nice!! I miss the kids, but it's so wonderful to not have to do anything. And we don't have to be quiet, because someone is napping. I think sometimes adults forget how to behave when they're around their kids all of the time. I will welcome them with open arms when they're all back under one roof, but for now I'm really enjoying the wind down.

Next month we'll take our little family vacation and go to Dallas. We're for sure going to Six Flags, but beyond that, I'm not sure. We might try to make it by the Ft. Worth Zoo. I'm certain it will be so hot, if it's anything like Lubbock right now, but none the less, we're all really excited!! It's so fun for the kids to finally be at ages where you can take off and do those kinds of things. Kyle just hit the height requirement for the adult rides. I'm certain I'll be standing by watching Barrett, Madi and Kyle ride the fun stuff and Mason and I'll go find something fun to do for him! It won't be long before he'll be able to do it too! Everyone is just growing and changing so much.

Overall, it's been a great summer. One of the best for us ever! I'm so thankful to have my family- they light up my world. I'm thankful for my friends- I have so many wonderful friends who have blessed my life. And I'm thankful to God who loves me everyday no matter what! :)

Time flies

2011-05-20T22:57:00.005-05:00

After 33 years I think there are some things about myself that I've finally accepted. One being that I'm very nostalgic. I'm about as extroverted and I am introverted. I find peace and comfort through being alone in my thoughts, and then being able to express them...hence the blog. I'm thankful for a husband who gets that about me. He knows when I'm in one of my quiet moods. There doesn't have to be anything wrong with me, I'm just thinking about life and things.

This time of year always trips me up. Four years ago today, Mason was born. I guess I'm not weird for feeling that way, I mean when your child has a birthday you typically think about the day they were born. Typically most parents think about all of the joy involved in the birth. Don't get me wrong, I do too, but Mason's birth in particular takes me back to such a rough time in life. His birth was such a relief to me, although I was well aware that the hard part was actually about to start. Knowing that my body was not going to be carrying a child anymore was helpful when faced with having to deal with such a mountain to climb emotionally and physically. It was a journey that was completely and totally exhausting in every way imaginable!

I'm so thankful to be where I am now. I'm such a blessed woman who has been redeemed in so many ways. I'm so blown away by the way God has worked in my life. It really just leaves me speechless sometimes. To think back on the day he was born, when he wasn't doing so well and they took him to NICU where he stayed for 9 days, and how I didn't even get to hold the little guy until he was a week old to where he is now. He is funniest, cutest, character I know. He is the toughest little boy I've ever seen. He runs, falls and gets right back up and says, "that didn't hurt", and keeps running. He's such a joy and in my book a little miracle that I'm still amazed survived all the stress my body went through emotionally for 9 months.

Tomorrow we're having his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Isn't that everyone goes to have fun? :) Man, time flies...when you're having fun, or when you're going through a rough time...it still goes by so fast. Enjoy it! Happy Birthday, Mason Lee!!!

2011-05-13T18:40:00.002-05:00

Something has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. Lately I've been so amazed at how we can call ourselves Christians and love each other, but turn our head to another friend and be so blatantly ugly. People, at times, can be so hard to love. I don't believe that you have to be friends with everyone, but to be so mean and judgmental to someone that you "think" you know just amazes me. It's something that has humbled me greatly to watch happen time and time again. I don't like everyone, in fact there are a lot of people who get on my nerves. But we're all God's children, so to judge someone for something they've been through when you don't have any real clue what it's like to be them really bothers me.

Okay...I feel better now. I just had to get that off of my chest.

Barrett and I got a babysitter and we have a date tomorrow night---we're both sooo glad! We need a night out together.

I'm starting a boot camp on Monday at the gym. I've been so unmotivated to do anything. I've gone to a class here and there, but I need a jump start. So I'm going to do this boot camp and will hopefully be feeling better and ready to start running again on a more consistent basis.

Yeah for weekends!!!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T18:44:00.003-05:00

...and with joy I am very happy to be a mother! I'm so thankful to have wonderful children who make my life so full and rich. I'm thankful for having a wonderful mother, who is one of my closest friends, and an equally wonderful mother in law, who raised an amazing son. I'm not only thankful for being a mother, but being a wife. It's been another year full of blessings for us. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!!

It's May...

2011-05-03T22:14:00.002-05:00

Can you believe it? We're quickly approaching the half way point of this year. Where is it all going? I'm not sure where it's all going, but I will be glad when school is over. I'm come to terms with the fact that I don't get summers off, however, here in about 3 weeks I will no longer be responsible for signing a daily folder or helping with homework, or really caring if you get in bed exactly when you're supposed to. I'll be happy for the slowdown. Not that our summer is going to be any less busy, but it looks fun so far.

This summer Madi gets to go to church camp with Monterey, and she's also going to another church camp. Kyle is going to go to football camp and we're hoping to get all three of them into swimming lessons this summer as well. Madi and Kyle are supposed to go to Nebraska for two weeks this summer. That will be the longest I've been away from them! With all of this going on, it's amazing how you almost feel like you wake up one day and you're kids are involved in so much!!

Our plan is to slow down a little bit too and go on mini-vacation for just the 5 of us. Looking forward to good times...and feeling really blessed!

Madelyn Grace

2011-04-05T22:28:00.002-05:00

Where oh where does the time go? My precious little baby girl turned 9 years old yesterday. That's half way to 18, and I hear that the last 9 years of parenting are way easier than the first...lol, yeah right. I'm so thankful that Madi is still "a little girl" and I want her to stay that way as long as I can keep her that way. She's blossoming into a sweet young lady, but yet is still interested in playing with her baby dolls and little girl things. She loves to hold hands with me and she still thinks I'm the best mom. Well, except for when I dance in the car and she gets really embarrassed by me, but I'm pretty certain it's my job to do those kinds of things. It's in the mom handbook or something like that.

I think about the last 9 years with Madi and we have certainly had our ups and downs. I'm so glad that Barrett came into her life when he did. He's given her consistency and stability at a time in her life when she needed it and I believe it will also help down the road that the relationship between the two of them has already been established. I think it will give her a sense of belonging and trust. Parenting teenagers is hard enough, I'll take all the help we can get in that department.

I'm also thankful that her and her dad are working on their relationship. I'm equally thankful for a relationship that seems to be growing between her and her future step mom. This whole area has taken a lot of trust for me, but God's has done some really great things in my my heart, and I also believe in their hearts. I'm so thankful for all of the healing for everyone.

Happy Birthday, sweet pea! I love you so very much!!

2011-03-25T22:09:00.002-05:00

Friday's seem to have a whole new meaning to me now that I've changed jobs within the mortgage department. We are in the process of hiring me an assistant. For the most part, I believe we're done and will have someone on board soon. I decided that I will NOT work this Saturday. I'M TIRED. I've worked the last two Saturdays and I need a break. I'm still very happy with the decision I made, we're just going through some changes and they're temporary.

Things with Kyle have been great. I've been amazed at how much of a difference medicine has made. He started it a week ago Thursday and he has had the best week at school. He didn't have one day this week where he got a "blurt"...which is where they speak without raising their hand in the classroom. His teacher said he did his work everyday and he's just been happier. I've just been blown away.

I look at this whole ADHD thing so differently now. I've always heard people from the older generations say, "well how come they didn't have that when we were kids. I think people just don't discipline their kids and let them act crazy." And in some cases, kids are undisciplined. But long ago they didn't have lots of the diagnoses that they have now either. There are all sorts of chemical unbalances that we can have as people. So maybe they did have ADHD then and it just didn't have a name. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. And I also know that if I was still single mom that might be a viable argument, however, with Barrett in the picture I assure you that he doesn't go undisciplined. There is so much more structure in our home now that Barrett and I have established a home together.

I was talking with a friend the other day who compared it to depression. And even when you take depression medication, you still have to do modifications to control your depression. You can't expect a pill to cure you. It's still important to treat it naturally too, by taking good care of yourself. I see ADHD as the same kind of thing. The medicine hasn't "cured" him, and it certainly hasn't cured sibling rivalry- PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU EVER FIND A CURE FOR THAT!!! And it's not a magic pill that keeps him zonked all of the time so that he doesn't even have a chance to even participate in life. I now see a little boy who has struggled and who has been frustrated, and it's like his teacher told me when I was up at school this past week, "it's like he has a chance now."

So I'm really thankful that God let this really sink into me over the last several months to accept that it's okay, and just because he's on medicine doesn't make him weird or odd, and it doesn't lump him into the masses of other kids who are ADHD meds. If you know Kyle, clearly you know he's his own person. No one could possibly imitate him. He's an original! And I'm getting to see the sweet little genius that's been inside of him wanting to come out, but has had such a hard time expressing himself. He's still had his moments, but he's learning how to regain control. And he's learning he's okay! It's been a real blessing!!!

Reflection

2011-03-23T00:20:00.002-05:00

I read something the other day that really got me to thinking about providence. If I can remember what it was I read, I'll post it. Don't hold your breath though, my list of "things to remember to do" seems to get longer every day.

But it was talking about the faith it took for Abraham to sacrifice his own son. I wonder how many times did he want to look at God and say, "really???" If you can imagine in your own life how horrible that would be, or what that experience would be like as a parent. Often times I think we still go through periods where we want to question what God is doing, and I don't think it's wrong to question. That's how we draw closer to Him. Sometimes those times in the valley seem longer than we'd like them to and they surface in so many different aspects of our lives: our jobs, with our kids, our marriages, with other relationships, with school--there's so many ways that life can really challenge us. There's just never really a dull moment! Yet, our response should still always be the same regardless of the challenge; God is faithful.

I'm thankful for the ways God has challenged me to grow. It doesn't always feel good or look pretty, but I'm thankful He believes in me enough to mold me for His purpose. I often look at Him and question if I'm really the right person for a lot of things He has me doing in my life right now, but I get a conclusive and affirming "Yes!" I have to believe that and I have to trust in the fact that He'll iron out all of the wrinkles. It reminds me of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" that I sing with my 3 year olds at church that they so quickly like to point out (every week) "That's not how it goes"...lol.

"Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star...God has put you where you are." It's true, and God blesses the faithful.

2011-03-15T20:23:00.002-05:00

We're starting a new adventure in our lives...ehhh, I guess you could call it that. To follow up with our behavior specialist appointment with Kyle, we've made the decision to try medicine. He was diagnosed with moderate ADHD as I suspected he would be. Now to start, I've always been one of those "there are too many kids on meds and ADHD is overrated and that's just an excuse for parents to be lazy." Yes, I've said it all and I really believed that until Kyle. Clearly, he is different. There are so many amazing things about Kyle. He is a little genius, I believe. He is sensitive and detail oriented, creative, verbal and a total math whiz! He really amazes me. However, in the ways he is amazing, he can also be extremely difficult.

I share this information to the public, because I want this experience with Kyle to be positive. I have gotten some negative feedback from some that don't agree with this decision, however, to those I say, "walk a mile our shoes" and until you do, zip it! We've done so many things for Kyle and with Kyle to help him and this is an alternative we're going to try in addition to behavior modification to see if it makes a different and makes school easier for him. If it doesn't then we know there's no reason for him to be on it then.

So we'll see how this goes. I'm hopeful. This has been a long road not to mention a frustrating one. Kyle is such a happy, fun boy, but life has been hard for him. I don't think this is the answer, but maybe part of an answer, and we're willing to do anything to make his life better!!! Wish us luck and say a prayer, please!

Facing my fears...

2011-03-11T03:56:00.002-06:00

Alright friends...I did it. I faced one of my fears today.

I have a few things that cause me stress. To name a few we'll start with snakes. I am petrified. I can't even look at pictures in a book of them without my heart racing and certainly I will not be going to the Sweetwater Rattlesnake round up anytime soon.

Another is improperly cooked meats...it freaks me out. I would rather just not eat if I'm concerned something isn't cooked right. It doesn't happen often, but it has happened. I just learned in the last 6 years that I don't have to cook chicken until it tastes like rubber to make sure I've "killed" anything in there that might "get me".

And the fear I conquered today (or rather yesterday) was...the dentist. There is dental phobia, and there is I was sitting in the lobby with tears running down my face anxiety and I almost bolted fear. Yes, that was me. I told him I even considered telling him my dog had just died so that maybe he wouldn't think I was crazy for being emotional. To say that in my earlier years I've had a few procedures that were unpleasant done would be an understatement. I was always one of those, "my mom is making me come to get my teeth cleaned" kinds until college. And then I just didn't want to deal with it anymore, so I didn't.

Well friends, while ignorance is bliss it's also painful and costly sometimes. However, I went to an amazing dentist who was the coolest on the planet who laughed with me and at me and that was okay. He gave me options, didn't make me feel overwhelmed or ashamed that I had ignored my problems for years. I also explained why I had never been able to afford the dentist in the last many years of my life, which really is where a lot of anxiety comes from. All the while I was a single mom, I knew I needed work done. I did go to the dentist to see about it and almost croaked when I saw the bill. I knew there was no way that was going to happen. Would I have rather put food on my table and bought diapers, or gotten a root canal. Hmmmm... tough choice. But my experience was really good. I go back the end of March to do my first ever root canal and start the process of having a great smile, and ya know, I'm a little bit excited. I don't look forward to the bill or the work being done, but I'm very happy to be working on the problem and not having it in the back of my mind anymore. And a bonus is that this time I have dental insurance, which isn't going to cover everything, but it will almost half of it, so that's great news!

Needless to say, I will be getting some good drugs to help with my procedure to reduce any anxiety. But YEAH for me, I'm very proud of myself for doing this and being brave...uhhh kinda brave anyway. I'm certain on my chart somewhere, it says "watch out for the crazy lady" lol. :)

Busy, Blessed, and GOOD!

2011-03-09T20:54:00.003-06:00

Could someone confirm for me if we are still in 2011? Sheesh...life has been a whirl wind lately. That being said I would like to publicly thank my wonderful husband for being so attentive to me. If it weren't for him, I'm just certain that we would be sitting in a house with no electricity or running water and that would only be due to the fact, that I've been so scatterbrained and not remembered to do anything outside of my normal 8-5 responsibilities. Thankfully, the kids are all doing well and I've managed to still be a really good mom, or so I'd like to think.

This craziness is all due to the fact that I got a promotion at work a couple of weeks ago. It's been a good thing that I'm not sure I really saw coming. It's also been a little overwhelming, but I'm very thankful because it's been a blessing and I believe it's where God wants me right now. God knows how much I've searched and questioned my purpose in life professionally, and He's opened and closed doors. I'm not quitting school, in fact my classes actually help with my new position, because it's much more people oriented.

So for now, I'm just taking it one day at a time, because that's all I can handle. Each day has gotten better and better and before long it will all become second nature to me, again! God is good...all of the time.

Sweet Memories

2011-02-25T05:42:00.003-06:00

The Strawn Family: 2008

I'm up way too early this morning. I couldn't sleep. I have a lot on my mind, all of which is good, but still the brain just hasn't been able to shut off much this week. The good news is my results came back in and everything was benign. PRAISE GOD! I'm feeling good, and I'm going to attempt to go run tomorrow. My Dr. told me that I couldn't run or exercise vigorously for a week, so of course I didn't even attempt any exercise. I wanted to run earlier this week, but I was still too sore. I'm scheduled to run a 5K race in Post a week from this Saturday, and I've got some big catching up to do!

Anyway...so I'm up way too early and I knew this day was coming, but it really just kind of hit me this morning. Today would have been, and in my book still is, my Grandmother's Birthday. Man, I miss that lady!!! So, I'm posting my blog today in pink. Sorry if you can't read it. I think I'll look for something pink to wear today too. She was such a fabulous and amazing woman. I miss her immensely, and I know that although she's not here there's not a day that goes by that her and the memories of her are present in my heart.

Joy for Jesus

2011-02-20T21:48:00.002-06:00

I've started this post several times and in several different ways. Talking about church for me is just about the most controversial topic. You can step on so many toes in so many different ways. And that's not my point. It never typically is, but when you're writing sometimes things can just come out so differently than you ever intend. So this is my take on what my spiritual world has been like lately. It's just a few observations about church that have framed my world...nothing more, nothing less.

***************
I've gone to church my whole life. I grew up knowing the stories of Noah, Adam & Eve, and Jonah & the Whale to name a few. I'm really thankful for the heritage I was given as a child, but I don't believe my heritage defines who I am. I hope it doesn't anyways. I'm sure I would have learned those stories whether I was sitting in a Church of Christ building or a Baptist building.

I grew up sitting in church "being quiet". That was what you were supposed to do. We were there to worship God and give Him our best. We listened to a preacher, sang some songs, and said some prayers, and most importantly took communion together every week. For most Churches of Christ the format is pretty much the same.

I've continued to go to a Church of Christ, because I happened to find a Church of Christ that I felt very comfortable at being me. The minute I walked in the doors, I just felt like I was home. I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt at though we were all there desiring a relationship with God as opposed to being concerned if the order of worship wasn't exactly the same every week. No church is perfect, just like no person is perfect either, but I was very happy to find a place of worship where I truly felt I could be free to sing and dance if I wanted to. I'm not much of a dancer in a public forum, I reserve that for my living room, but I loved that if I really wanted to, I could. No one would care.

The problem I have with church, any church that is, is that sometimes I feel as though we act as if we have to sit down and aren't able to show any passion about our creator. I believe in being reverent, but who decides what is reverent? I feel like we have put restraints on our passion for God. If you go to a Tech football game you can see how excited some people get yelling for their team. So why would it be any different yelling for our God?

I've been working our Heroes program at church on Sunday mornings with the 1st-5th graders. I'm amazed at how spiritual some of those kids are. We have praise time, bible time which is done in a very funny and applicable way for the kids, and small group time. I would say we, meaning the adults, teach them to sing and dance to the music, but we don't. They teach us. I've watched them every week and they're the ones who are on fire for God. So why would we expect them to go from that to an auditorium where they aren't allowed to share any of that Joy for Jesus? That makes no sense! I watch my kids as they have taken turns saying the communion prayer and the recognition of who and what Christ is, and it's just heart warming and amazing. I'm so thankful for how God has worked in their lives and is continuing to work. Barrett and I aren't sure of what the future holds and the struggles they will have as teenagers and young adults, but we have full confidence that we are raising them up right and with God we will be able to weather those storms together.

I guess I'm just mostly thankful for coming to a point in my life where I feel as though I can put aside what is expected of me as "church member"...I attend a church, but my allegiance is not to sign on the door or the heritage I grew up with. My allegiance is to God who created me and has given me everything I have. I'm thankful for the Grace God has given me for the ways I just don't measure up, and I'm incredibly thankful to watch the joy in the eyes of my children when they talk about Jesus. There's just no other feeling quite like it!

Dispensers of Grace

2011-02-17T15:19:00.003-06:00

Let me just put a warning on this post...I had surgery this morning. I am fine, but if this post is a little emotional (for me anyway) or you don't understand it, let's just go ahead and blame the pain medication I'm on right now.

First, my surgery went great. I didn't mention it, because I didn't want to send off any alarms. I had a lump removed from my breast. We had been watching it for some time. From the last sonogram to the most recent one, it had grown and was hurting me a little more, so the Dr. and I agreed that it was time to get rid of it just to be safe. I'm feeling good, and my Dr. said that from what he could tell, it looked like the "good" kind of lump to have. We'll get the official pathology results in a week or less. In the meantime, I'm off work until Tuesday and soaking up the rest! And my completely awesome husband is taking good care of me. He and my mother were both there today, my sister in law is coming over tonight, and Barrett will also be with me tomorrow. I feel so blessed to have so many people near and dear to me!

****************

I heard the term dispensers of grace at church a few weeks ago. Barry was speaking in reference to giving others grace as God has given it to us. I've spent the last several weeks thinking about that and wanting so much in my life to be a more compassionate person. I feel like sometimes others confuse compassion with making themselves a doormat, and that's not what I'm talking about here. I believe it's important to love others and forgive others, but I don't believe that means that you allow yourself to continually put yourself out there to be hurt over and over again. I've finally learned how to come to peace with apologizing and accepting apologies and ending there. I don't have to be friends with everyone. An apology can clear the air and heart and allow for healing. It's important to make a decision if that relationship is one that needs to continue. If it's not going to be beneficial, then I don't feel there is reason to continue it.

Yesterday at lunch, my younger sister and I were eating at Pei Wei. The weather was absolutely beautiful and we were dining on the patio. A blast from my past walked up. I don't believe she saw me, and honestly I'm glad. I'm also appreciative that enough time has healed that I didn't go into complete anxiety mode when I saw her. I used to have real problems with that, and I'm thankful for the ability to be able to control that better now.

This particular person apologized to me many years ago for what I'll call her "bad behavior", and then she proceeded to violate me again with her "bad behavior". I'm not a victim, but for lack of a better description, that's how that relationship went. To me the look on her face was so telling. She looked rough. You know that look when life has not treated someone well? She wore the look and look like she had for a while. And in my opinion it was a lot of her own choosing.

I distinctly remember her asking me for forgiveness. She begged me and cried to me. I so wanted to hold it over her head. I wanted to make her feel bad and it felt good to have that much power over here, or so I thought. I know that if I really wanted to I could give her the coldest look or a comment that would slice the heart at it would send her into a complete meltdown. I did forgive her and even when she did it again in my own time I forgave her. I have grown to feel kind of sorry for her. She has reaped what she sowed, no doubt, but I feel bad for the way she has allowed abuse to be such a part of her life that it's affected her in every way and in every relationship.

I've thought a lot about the relationship that God has with us. He wants to give us grace and he wants us to accept it, but we have to make the choice. He reaches out his hand and all we have to do it take it. He doesn't hold it over our heads and He doesn't want to either. How amazing is that? He doesn't have one notion of making us feel bad for how many times we've wronged Him. We hung his son on a cross, and yet He still wants to love me and have a truly genuine relationship with me.

God just amazes me. I am so incredibly thankful. I'm so thankful for how much he loves me, loves my friends, and loves my family. I'm so thankful for my babies and my amazing husband. I'm thankful for the example and inspiration He gives me daily to want to extend that Grace to others. I'm worth His grace, and I pray that others out there will someday understand that they're worth His grace too. It's plentiful and sufficient for everyone!

"Like any other gift, the gift of Grace can be yours only if you reach out and take it. Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too." Unknown

Soap box #2

2011-02-13T20:33:00.003-06:00

Once again you live under a rock if you don't know about the proposed cuts that the great state of Texas is looking at for both education and health and human service programs. Being a parent, I am greatly concerned. Being a future counselor/agency worker/social worker...etc I'm concerned as well.

Basically, our economy still sucks, and I don't really think that comes as a surprise to anyone. We just all want to know when it's going to end and how is this going to effect each of us?

Last Thursday I attended the Lubbock Association of Realtors Luncheon. The Lubbock Land Company was there giving their annual report of statistical data on home sales and new construction for the Lubbock area. The low down is that the current amount of inventory of houses for sale right now mirrors that of the inventory of homes in 2003. If you're anything nerdy like me, or happen to know anything about the mortgage industry, 2006 was when the mortgage industry took a deep nose dive. That was back in the day when you could flip burgers for McDonald's and tell your loan officer that you made $40,000 a year and they didn't have to document it. They also didn't have to document the $20,000 you told them you had in the bank. Those days are long gone, and it's a good thing. That obviously was a recipe for disaster.

On Friday, I attended a 211 conference that had representatives from local agencies discussing specifically what these proposed cuts were going to do our local agencies and schools, and how this all began. According to statistical data, the largest part of the deficit happened in 2006, when the Texas government decided to do a "tax swap" and not raise property taxes and instead they created a new business margins tax. What it did instead was created a structural deficit.

If these proposed tax cuts take place, it could mean up to 100,000 jobs state wide for our schools. We would be looking at a 10 billion education cut. If you know anything about education, you know that teachers are already struggling. They are the most underpaid people on the planet, and I think it would be unfair to kick a system that's already down.

Health and Human Services would be looking at 10,000 jobs lost through the state. This is the largest shortfall since 2003. What I find so interesting is the years 2003 and 2006. They were both pivotal years for the Real Estate industry as well H&HR industry.

Those are the facts...

I'm a conservative. I wouldn't say I was republican, but I tend to lean that way. I say that because I don't really like aligning myself with anyone. It's like aligning yourself with a church denomination. I love God--why does it matter if I'm Methodist or Baptist? So that maybe you can decide if you like me?

I'm also a conservative who is trying to figure out what I want to do with my life in regards to a career. While I'm in school, I'm trying to take every opportunity to broaden my horizons to help me decide what field I want to be in, or where I feel God is leading me. I'm really torn though, because I'm not going to lie and say that I have full faith in our system. At the conference I attended, I got a book that is packed full of every available program on the South Plains. A lot of these programs I didn't even know existed.

A big struggle for me as a I was a single mom was that I had to rely on some of these programs. At first it was very humiliating, but I was so very thankful. Medicaid and WIC saved my life, not to mention day care funding. Legal Aid handled my divorce. If it weren't for these programs, I would have been lost. They were all instrumental in helping project me into a successful life. It still required a desire from me to want better for myself, that's for sure. You can't expect to be given everything and not put any effort into it.

Many times as I sat in long lines waiting for certain things, I heard conversations. I heard one young girl say in regards to receiving day care funding, "well I guess this means I have to get a job now." Yes, I guess that's what that would mean considering you have to work 25 hours a week in order to receive day care funding. I heard a lot and saw a lot. If you want a good education on the ins and outs of our welfare system, I encourage you to go to Parkway Drive where the medicaid office is located. I absolutely dreaded going there. I hated pulling up in my fully loaded Lincoln, that no one had any idea that my payment was 90 days behind and I had no idea how I was going to find the funds to catch it up.

Fast forward and I have a completely different out look on our welfare system. It is wonderful for those that truly need it, and you really have to learn how to have some discernment in who needs it and who is looking for a quick handout. For those people who saw their grandmother get welfare, their mother and now they want it, I don't think they have any inkling of a clue what it means to be thankful. It's expected. For a family who is so burdened by medical bills for their sick son and they can't get insurance any where else...it's for you, and please let me know how else I might be able to help you? Can I pick you up some diapers at the store while I'm there getting my family some groceries. How can I pay it back to you for what you as the tax payer has done for me?

I love the English proverb: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime."

I'm not saying it's wrong to give things to others, I believe we are called to give to others, so I guess it's not so much the giving that concerns me, it's the expectation of the giving that I don't like. I believe our current situation is spoiling the American dream that if you work hard enough anything is possible. It's becoming harder and harder to believe that.

I don't know the answer. It's a really big problem, because there are so many people out there that need help, genuinely. And there are so many people out there who could learn to help themselves more if they really wanted to.

I'm not sure where that leaves me in my field. I've had some eye opening experiences, and I've had some that have left a bad taste in my mouth. I do know that my desire is to not simply give someone a fishing pole. I want to inspire other to learn to fish, so that they may teach others to fish. I want to live as though others will want to take the steps to make their lives better with understanding that the path is not easy, but the blessings are huge.

So yeah, that's how I feel...

And for all the uncertainty of our economy, schools, and housing market...God is in control. He's the same today as He was yesterday.

Psalm 4
"Many people say, “Who will show us better times?”
Let your face smile on us, Lord.
⁷ You have given me greater joy
than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine.
⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe."

Soap box #1

2011-02-11T22:02:00.006-06:00

Have any of you kept with the Victor Hernandez/City of Lubbock tax dealio? Okay, for those who don't live here or never read the AJ or watch the news, one of our city councilman ran behind on his business property taxes, like over $10,000 behind. I think the reports say he's about 3 years behind. It's caused a stink, because he's part of the city council, which is my opinion are to be good examples to their fellow community members. So in theory you have to examine what kind of message that's sending. They, being the mayor--I guess, decided to do a little research to see what the charter says about this kind of thing. Ya know, like should he lose his office and from this point on how should think kind of thing he handled? I believe the charter says something to effect of that no city employee should be indebted to the city--which makes sense. But how far does that go? If you have an over due library book should you be fired? A parking ticket? You get my point. Well, to top it off they've had to use another attorney to look at all of this, because our own Judge Sam Medina was at one time behind on his property taxes.

I'm not being judgmental. Everybody goes through hard times. I work in a business that you have good credit to work for a bank/mortgage company. Why? Because it's a little hypocritical to tell someone they don't qualify for a loan based on their inability to pay for their bills, when your credit isn't any better. I went through a divorce, and my credit took a major beating because of it, and there are natural and logical consequences to that and I've had to deal with it.

I guess my bottom line with this whole thing is this--DON'T BE AN IDIOT. How could you possibly be surprised that you might be in jeopardy of losing your position on city council for not paying your taxes for the city in which you serve. HELLO...that just seems like a no brainer to me.

Do I think he should lose his office? No, I don't. He paid them, and I don't think he will ever get behind again. Let's just cut our losses and move on. From my understanding the charter will be updated with a better understanding of what is expected of city employees. I think it should read, "DON'T BE AN IDIOT" and that should about cover it. I mean, seriously...choices and consequences. It's not rocket science.

Basketball

2011-02-05T21:32:00.003-06:00

Madi and her team, the Bulls got 2nd place during the season and 3rd in the tournament. She has improved drastically from last season! We're going to try to help her a little more with her ball handling skills, so she can get a little more confidence and she'll be going great! She certainly has not problem playing defense. She loves fighting for the ball!! We really enjoyed watching her play this season. There are some parents who let their kids play year round and while I would love her for to be able to, we just can't handle that right now, and really I'm not sure we ever will be able to handle it. I mean how do parents with three kids do it and stay sane? I'm still exploring that question. I feel like as it is now as busy as we are both working full time jobs that if you throw in any sort of complication into our schedule it could just cause a domino effect. Thankfully, I'm very laid back, and so is Barrett. We've learned how to handle the complications pretty well, because it's life--so you know they're coming, and in the mean time, I think I'm going to be able to get a maid once a month! Yipee!!! That helps a lot! Now I've just got to find some time to clean, so she can come and clean. :)

Como Esta?

2011-01-27T21:06:00.002-06:00

I volunteer for an hour a week in Kyle's classroom. I'm the parent for that day that helps when the teacher does centers. Basically I walk around and help the kids stay on task and answer questions. Today they were working on a paper that had asked them to make two lists and use the word bank provided to choose the words for your list. One list was 3 things that you would use at school (i.e. tape, paper, pen) and the other list was for 3 things you would take on a trip (i.e. pants, hat, boots). I'm walking around the room helping the kids and I walk over to Kyle and looked at his paper. I didn't recognize any of those words he had written down. I asked him what it said, because I couldn't even make sense of it, in the English language, that is. His response? "Oh, I thought I was supposed to write how many Spanish words I knew." HUH??? This would also be the same child who was greatly concerned last week how he was going to be able to get into law school, and mad at Adam and Eve for making his life so hard. "Mom, why did they have to eat that apple? Why couldn't they have just listened?"

This is life with Kyle...never a dull moment, and sometimes you never know what to expect.

Our anniversary

2011-01-23T16:15:00.002-06:00

Okay, old age is upon me and I can't remember if I explained this or not. I'm thinking I did, but I've slept since October, so it's possible I didn't. And I'd just rather write another blog than go back and look. :)

Our anniversary is today...our wedding anniversary that is. We were actually married on October 23, 2009. Why did we do that? No, I was not pregnant. A LOT of people asked us that. We did that, because we were ready to blend the family, but moving the wedding up wasn't an option. So we had a very informal ceremony at the courthouse, and I mean very informal. The judge looked at me and Barrett and asked where the bride was. Apparently my green t-shirt and jeans were not what she was expecting.

It's taken us a year to decide that we use January 23, 2010 as our anniversary date. There are a lot more memories associated with this day, opposed to October. I look back on our wedding with such fond memories! I also look at the last year our lives together as an amazing year. We've all grown a lot, experienced a lot, and look forward to another year. Through all of the transitions, it's been amazing. Like it always supposed to be this way. :)

Happy Anniversary, Barrett. I love you!

Renewal

2011-01-15T09:00:00.007-06:00

I'm still on a spiritual high, and really working to make it more than a temporary high for me. I want my life to serve as a daily time of renewal to show others Christ living in me.

***

For those of you who didn't know I was able to serve on a team of other men and women on a Chrysalis Journey last weekend. Chrysalis is part of The Walk to Emmaus. Some of you might remember that I went on my Walk to Emmaus in June 2008. The timing was perfect for me. I was in a place of real struggle, so the renewal I had at that time was inspiring to me!!

I was asked back in August to serve on this team. Chrysalis is the same concept, but the ages are girls 19-25, where as Emmaus is women of all ages over the age of 25. I had the most amazing time. It was wonderful to see God working through these girls, and in turn it gave me a new zeal for life that I really needed!

The concept of the weekend is pretty simple. It's centered around listening to different speakers. I had the awesome opportunity to be one of the speakers and my talk was on Faith. I really enjoyed preparing the talk and giving it as well, although at times it was difficult. I didn't think it would be, but I had never really been in front of a group and expressed where my faith comes from in such an open forum. And its amazing how many memories come up that you hadn't thought about in years! Well, needless to say...God was amazing!

For myself, I wasn't sure how I was going to like this age. They were a little hyper, and I've gotten a little used to routine in my older age. In particular bed time routines. However, I fit right in. I had forgotten what it was like to be that age and laugh at anything and everything. It was so fun!

Overall, it was a great weekend! I look forward to having more opportunities to serve in this way. And if you're interested in more information about Emmaus go to their website, or ask me! (google llano emmaus community)

God is good!!!

Here I Am...

2011-01-01T21:39:00.002-06:00

It may come as no surprise to some of you that I haven't posted on my other blog in some time. It just got to be too much for me. This time last year I was really having a hard time talking about anything. It's always been easy to "hide" behind my laptop, but even last year I couldn't do that. No doubt for good reason, but even when I started blogging on my other blog, it just wasn't any fun to me. This has always been therapeutic to me, and it even lost that for me.

I really don't know what has kept me here. I am certainly feeling less vulnerable now. I can't say what the change is. I think part of it is getting comfortable in my new life. Having to go to deal with Attorney General stuff last year was also really hard on me, and it's over now. Seeing my ex husband in a better place has also helped me. I guess it's just a combination of things. Needless to say, you'll probably see me writing more. What I'll be writing about, who knows. I'm trying to get things updated a little bit, and a few people added that I've been meaning to add forever! And taking off a few of you slackers THAT NEVER POST ANYMORE...ahem.

2010...Year in review

2010-12-31T19:42:00.002-06:00

Like I said it's been a great year. One of the best I can remember in a really, really long time. Here are some of my favorite things that happened...in no particular order.

1. Our wedding...okay, so maybe this one tops my list pretty easily. Weddings are stressful, but I was lucky to have so many wonderful people help me and it made it much less stressful. It will go down in my book as being such a fun time, and a wonderful memory for a girl who needed a good wedding memory.

2. Starting school...while this endeavor is going to take some time and at times been stressful- I love it! I have thoroughly enjoyed learning more about things that intrigue me and furthermore can't wait for the day I can get into the field more.

3. I don't really have a title for this one, but this year I've tried hard to make some more healthy lifestyle choices for myself. I still love me some potato chips and chocolate, but just being more aware of the things I put into myself.

4. Running...I'm so proud I committed to the 1/2 marathon and stuck with it. I still can't believe it. It was such a thrill and taught me the greatest lesson about endurance and perseverance. Woohoo!!! :) I'm gearing up for another year for running- I haven't officially committed to a race yet, but so far I think I'm doing the White Rock 1/2 next December.

5. My marriage...I love my husband so much. I couldn't have married a better person. He is a great father, and amazing man to me. I'm so blessed.

6. The kids...The older they get the more I enjoy them. They are such blessings to us and bring us a lot of joy...a few headaches too, but they're children- so I guess that's to be expected.

There have been some losses too. The biggest loss was my Grandmother. I still haven't recovered from that, and I don't think I ever will. I have felt a great sense of loss now that both of my Grandparents are gone and inadvertently felt the loss of my Mema who died almost 4 years ago even more. This year has been a great lesson of how life is really like a book with many chapters. Some chapters are longer than others, and some are harder to move on from. The older I get and the more I experience, the more the realization that life doesn't last forever becomes so real!

I hope that 2010 was a blessed year for you and you have many more in 2011. Happy New Year!

Vacation

2010-12-30T21:00:00.004-06:00

I've had the best week. I'm on vacation this week. In my working life I've never had a whole week off at a time. However, I've learned when you work for a bank, they require you to take 5 days off at once. It's some sort of accounting/security thing. They want to make sure you're not stealing money or something. We didn't have any plans for the week, I just wanted to be home. I wanted to clean and organize, sleep late, drink coffee when I wanted to, see a movie, and hang out with friends and family, and enjoy the kids. I think I've accomplished all of that. Madi and Kyle went to see their dad last week, so they've had the entire Christmas break to actually have a break! It's been wonderful, and so very needed for all of us!

Madi and Kyle's time in Nebraska was really good. I would say that maybe there has been a turning point that's happened for their dad, and he seems to be doing well. I don't know what the future holds in that regards, but for now and this moment I am very thankful for it.

I'm not really looking forward to going back to work, only because I've enjoyed how much I've been able to get done. I'm not ready for the morning grind, although I enjoy and do well on a schedule.

The holidays have always been more a struggle for me, even though I love them. I tend to love this time of year more though...New Year's that is. I love the New year. 2010 was an awesome year for me, for us. There has been a lot to get used to in our first year of marriage, but I think we've done really well. I wouldn't have changed a thing. I'm looking forward to 2011 with a lot of peace. I don't know what the year holds, but I know God has a lot in store for us. I hope your new year is blessed!

Good Educators

2010-12-14T20:01:00.002-06:00

Today I'm really thankful for the good teachers and educators out there who really want to make a difference in the life of children. The teachers and staff who go above and beyond to help a child, because they truly care. They don't get paid enough and probably are not told thank you enough, but in my life they have made a huge difference. It really is true that it takes a village to raise a child and we can't be around our kids 24 hours a day, but when I'm not with my kids I feel better knowing they're with people who care about their well being and future. Thank you for all you do!!!

The Spirit of Thankfulness...

2010-12-11T11:48:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure if I'm losing my memory, but it seems as though every year I'm more thankful for certain things. I'm sure I was very thankful last year, and probably said to myself, "I don't remember when I've been so thankful for what God has given me." I find myself there again this year. I don't remember being this thankful...again, as I say, I think I'm losing my memory. :) However, in the spirit of being thankful I am so thankful for the many blessings I have.

You might have seen people on Facebook or other blogs doing some sort of "thankfulness" post or "gratitude"...my friend, Tisha, is awesome and very dedicated to that. It has certainly heightened my awareness to seeing the things around me that God has richly blessed my life with everyday! I'm not sure I can keep up with posting everyday, but I am committing in my personal life to write about them every time I see a blessing throughout the rest of the Christmas season.

I'm thankful for...God giving me a spirit of peace for the last two years in particular about how my life would unfold. That spirit of peace helps me now to realize that He's continually working and although there are times that I think I know what is best, I'm thankful that God ever so lovingly tells me to "let go" and "let HIM"...and He has. I see in certain ways how hearts are still continually being healed and God's story is still being written through us all.

What are you thankful for?

What a race...

2010-11-27T21:57:00.002-06:00

Last week in class Dr. Young wanted us to take a personality test. I've taken about a million, but this one was a new one to me. I ended up being "The Idealist"...the description was about a person who loves to experience new things and will often be looking for adventures just to learn something new. I gave that some thought and then remembered what I had just done two weeks earlier. Hellloooooo, that is so me. That was basically the whole reason why I wanted to do the half marathon. I just wanted to see if I could do it, what it would be like and how it would cause me to grow as a person. I know, I'm a nerd like that. I enjoy growing.

The experience exceeded my expectations! I was so proud that I was able to run the entire thing. I'm not the fastest runner, but once I started I didn't stop. The furthest I had run in my training was 10 miles. In my opinion if you can do 10 miles, then you can 13.1. About mile 12 my hips were really starting to hurt, but I kept going. I made it all 13.1, but was very happy to see the finish line. I'm not sure I would have been able to sustain that much longer, and I was certainly glad I hadn't decided to be so adventurous to go for the full marathon. I won't say "never", but not right now that's for sure. The amount of time it would take to train for that isn't something I have or would be willing to give up right now. Maybe when the kids are older, provided I still have knees!

I think what I loved about it the most was the idea of running long distances being the ultimate test of endurance. Much like life, running has it's hills and valleys. Regardless of what is ahead or behind you, perseverance is the key! I'm really proud of myself, and most of all I'm proud that I didn't ever give up. There were days in my early training where I just thought I wouldn't be able to do it. More so, I'm thankful to God for giving me a spirit that wouldn't give up in the face of the struggle!

It was a fun weekend with Barrett, and an adventure of losing our car and walking around down town San Antonio for 2 1/2 hours , that we will never forget! I have since then forgiven him. :) I'm also thankful for Sheila being with me too. I would have never even considered doing this it wasn't for her influence on me. I always thought she was one of "crazy runners"...now I just understand and respect the "crazy runners"...heck, I've become one!

My next plan is to just stay local and participate in the Lubbock Running Club races. I've even gotten Barrett to committ to a 10K in the Spring (provided I will go shoot a deer with him next hunting season). I want to get faster and stronger and shave some time off my runs.

Try it...I DARE YOU! You might just find yourself a new hobby!

Giving Thanks

2010-11-24T20:19:00.002-06:00

This semester I'm only taking three hours, however, those three hours have about sucked the life out of me. I've learned so much applicable information that I've really enjoyed, but with having a family, working full time and trying to have some what of a normal life; it's been really difficult. I've even questioned if I can handle school right now.

Parenting has been challenging the last month or so, depressing at times. I've just been really down on myself to "handle it all", and uggghhh something ends up suffering. I have pretty much decided I am going to lay out of school for a semester and focus more on being as present at possible with the kids.

The last week I've really tried to focus on the great things in my life. I certainly don't have a short list! And really how easy it is to get burdened and not pay attention to all of the amazing things we have in our lives?? I'm mostly thankful for my friends and family. Like I said, parenting has been hard. Kyle has really struggled and it has just broken my heart. We're going to see a behavioral specialist in February. Yes, FEBRUARY 2011. They couldn't get us in any sooner. I hope we have some answers, or at least some strategies for us as parents. I've had my pity party and I'm over it and feeling more hopeful. We will overcome, it's just getting a plan in place. Madi turned the corner and is doing so well! So will Kyle. His issues have just thrown me for a loop! Divorce or no divorce, growing up is hard. I'm thankful that God gave me a huge desire for my kids to be successful and do well. I'm so thankful to be their mother. Of all of the roles I have being a wife and mother is my favorite.

I'm thankful too for Barrett. I've been thinking about marriage a lot lately. We've become settled in our lives and routines as a married couple and family, and I've discovered that when two people with different personalities come together; it's hard. It's not a fairytale and every day it takes work. However, I can't tell you how good it feels to have someone who will talk with you, listen to you, and fight with you! Fighting isn't my favorite, but it feels good to be able to disagree with someone and to still be able to come back together and to love and respect each other! I lucked out in that department. I'm so thankful for having a man who wants to work on our marriage with me.

I'm thankful to God for putting some really neat experiences and people in my life. Patience is a great struggle for me, but I'm excited and hopeful about where God is taking me.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Regardless of where you find yourself I hope you are able to see blessings around you. If you're not able to see blessings, I pray you will be brave enough to take the steps to change that.

Countdown!

2010-11-07T19:48:00.002-06:00

I'm on the countdown!!! We leave for San Antonio on Friday morning and the 1/2 marathon is a week from today. I'm very excited, but still a little nervous. I know I can do it, but it's still definitely going to be a challenge. Overall though, I am just on cloud nine to get to be a part of the experience. Sheila will be doing it with me, and I'm so proud of her for getting back into running so soon after having a baby. I'm excited about getting away for the weekend away from the kids. I love my babies, but let's be honest...everyone needs to get away! I'm just so absolutely thrilled for so many reasons! Luckily I have this Thursday off, because it's Veteran's Day, and won't have to go back to work until Tuesday. I'm so glad. I've desperately needed a break from work as well.

The countdown is on for the end of the semester for me too. Two more papers, and one final to go. I'm looking at registration for next semester and really not wanting to take anything, but at the same time wanting to buckle down and hurry up and get it down. I feel so close, yet so far away if that makes sense.

That's all for now...have a great week!

So I'll remember...

2010-10-19T22:05:00.004-05:00

It's hard to tell if he has really large lips or a dirty mouth. I got Kyle out of bed this morning and this is what I found. He had chocolate ice cream from dinner last night all over his mouth. I left and went and studied last night after dinner and Barrett was in charge of bathing...I guess he missed a few spots. Boys will be boys! :)

I'm so proud of my sweet Kyle. He taught himself to ride his bike that he got for his birthday without training wheels last week. Not a day goes by that I don't laugh out loud at something this boy has said. He is just a sweet mess. This year in 1st grade has been a real challenge for him. He is a very bright boy, but he has struggled with reading. Madi never struggled with that. She took up reading and she is the biggest book worm, much to my delight! So this has been something new for me. We're going to really start working with him at home and hope things improve. To me reading and grammar are so important! You can get away with not being so great at math, but not reading. You carry that with you the rest of your life, so I want him to have a good foundation. Keep us in your prayers to be the kind of parents we need to be for him!

2010-09-19T21:48:00.002-05:00

Why in the world am I blogging right now???!!! I have a test Tuesday night, and I don't want to study. That's why. I'll be kicking myself tomorrow, I'm sure. I'm keeping up with school this semester pretty good. 2 books read, 4 to go. 1 test down, and two more to go. I don't think there's any way possible I could have taken more than 3 hours this semester without going completely nuts. Things are slow right now, but basketball will start next month for Madi, and then whatever Kyle ends up deciding on for his sport or activity. Every day his answer is different. Not to mention my 1/2 marathon training. Week 2...done and 8 weeks till the marathon. San Antonio, here I come! :) That's exciting and frightening all at the same time.

Barrett left this morning for a week long fishing trip with his Dad in Colorado. He really deserves the time away, I just hope I survive. :) Since we've been married, I don't think we've been away from each other more than about 2 or 3 nights. And I've been the one that's been away from him and the kids. Now the tables are turned. We all did good today, I'm just a better mother with him around. It's not just because I have the help, he just brings out a calmness in me that I have grown to appreciate. Not to mention, I kind of like him. I will certainly be happy when he returns.

This morning when I was getting ready for church, I thought how this is the first time in a really long time, I've had to do it by myself with the kids. As I left my driveway, I kind of had a little bit of dejavu of the many mornings I got the kids ready by myself and took them to church alone. It kind of made me a little misty eyed thinking about it, and at the same time, I said to myself, "Oh thank heavens I'm not doing that anymore!!" I am alone this week, but it's much different to be alone, than to have your husband be away from you for a few days.

We'll manage. The week will fly by. If I can only remember to feed the dog. That's not my department. He scratched on the back door a while ago, and I thought, "oh crap, you might like some food and water, huh?" :)

Have a good week!

Friday, Football, and Free time!!!

2010-09-16T21:11:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is Friday, oh thank heavens. It's been a very long week. Saturday is the Tech game. GO RED RED RAIDERS!!! I need to get away from it all right now, so I'm thoroughly looking forward to having fun with Barrett, Kara and Mark (my sis in law and bro in law) at the game. Yeah for a fun weekend!!!

Labor Day

2010-09-06T09:11:00.004-05:00

It's been a fabulous weekend. Barrett and I have been particularly excited about Tech football season this year. Last year we didn't get season tickets, because we were doing all of the wedding planning. This year we decided to get them, and I'm so glad we did. We love watching football together. The game was so stinkin' hot and we are both sunburned, but it was fun. And the best news is I have a W~o~N~d~E~r~F~u~L new babysitter. I've been searching for some, because all of mine have graduated and/or moved on to other things. My mom found me some girls at the High School in Slaton. The one I used yesterday was awesome! Our house was pretty clean, I was just catching up on never ending laundry. She finished it for me and folded it and made the boys room spotless! And most importantly, of course, the kids loved her and listened very well. It's so nice to be able to go and have fun and not worry about your kids or worry that you'll come back to a house that's on fire.

We've had a great Labor Day. It's been a nice relaxing break, and we'll be back to the grind tomorrow. The kids are doing fantastic in school. I'm lovin' their new school and teachers. It's been a great transition for them.

Active Patience

2010-08-28T15:28:00.000-05:00

I love quotes. I love quotes that stir something in me and make me think. Ya know the kind that make you go, "ahhh that's good." I read one the other day, actually several about patience that made me think a lot."Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow-that is patience." I don't know who said it, but I thought it was a great thought. To actively be moving when things are tough, and to know there is a purpose for that waiting. I've always known that God makes you the person who he wants you to be in that process, but I never really thought about patience being active.

I saw another quote that just made me giggle. "Never run after a bus or a man. Another will come along." Amen.

There's a lot you can do while you're being patient. Most of all, I think there is so much hope in our patience. There are days when it's so hard to see, but it's always there. There are days when we just don't feel like doing it anymore, but we resolve to try again and we wake up to a new day.I've worked on patience a lot. I've not mastered it and never will. I really struggle with it, and currently have found it tested in a way that I'm just not happy about. Such is life, but I'm not about to let Satan take away the joy from me that I have for life though, and I am resolving to see this through...even with a smile on my face. :) God is good!

Abraham Lincoln said, "People are about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Sooo true!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any situation can get your goose, if you let it. One thing I know for sure is that there is no perfect person, no perfect job, no perfect car, no perfect church, etc. They all have their flaws and the key is how you're going to handle it. Make the best of it.

Back to School...

2010-08-14T09:07:00.003-05:00

It's 9:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning and no one else is awake. The boys aren't here, so that's part of the reason why it's so quiet. Mom and Dad kept them for me so that Madi could have a friend spend the night in peace. I went to bed around 10:30 and the last time I heard them was sometime after 2 a.m.

I think they had a lot of fun, and I enjoyed too. We went and ate dinner, just me and the girls and then went to Wal-mart and got Madi's schools supplies. Most of them anyway, I wish the school supplies lists were in English. You need a decoder just to know they're really asking for. I know it was not that difficult to find things when I was little. You needed crayons, scissors, paper, and glue...that's it. Oh my, how things have changed.

I'm so excited about this school year. I transferred the kids to another elementary so that they could stay in the after school program that I wanted them to be in. I really questioned my decision, but the other day as I was driving to LISD's central office and mulling things over the song "Tik Tok" came on and just about the time when Kesha has decided to brush her teeth with a bottle of Jack, it occurred to me that I haven't heard Madi sing that song all summer long!! And it's because of the wonderful Christian summer program they had been a part of this summer. I had all the peace in the world then about my decision. I know we can't always control our children's environments, but while I still can, it's my responsibility to have them in the best place for them. It really is true that it takes a village to raise a child, and right now I will choose who is part of their village. One day it won't always be that way, but I want to make sure they are ready for that when the time comes.

Yeah for back to school!

5K...fun?

2010-08-08T07:18:00.002-05:00

I did my first "official" 5K in Sundown on Saturday. My mom and Madi went with me and they did the 1 mile walk. I had some people from church who are also runners do it as well. They're not amateurs like me. They're the "real" kind that I'm aiming to be. Kristi finished 1st in our age group, and Raemi finished 2nd. I just finished, and I'm thankful for that! It was a great experience. I learned so much about myself and running outside and what to prepare for next time. I'm so glad I did it, and I can't wait to do it again.

Another race is going on next weekend at Buffalo Springs Lake. I will not be running that one. It's known to be one of the hardest courses in Texas. I prefer flat country at this point.

Overall, it was a great experience. I find running to be an excellent challenge. I don't know if I'd call it fun, but it's becoming exciting to me to always try to do better. Not to mention it's a great calorie burner!

Kyle Jackson

2010-08-02T14:12:00.003-05:00

Wednesday is Kyle's 6th birthday. This weekend we're having a swim party for him. It's going to be so much fun!

Kyle is such a funny little boy. He is very sensitive and very concerned about others. He loves to sing. He loves to exercize. He loves church. His favorite church song is "Shout Hallelujah". He's really good at the "Whooo" part. :) He loves his Mama so much! He could spend everyday just hugging me. I nicknamed him "Gomez Addams" a couple of months ago. When we go somewhere he likes to hold my hand, and will kiss it up and down. It makes me giggle. Kyle has really grown up a lot over the last year. He did amazing in Kindergarten. I wasn't crazy about the idea of him being the youngest, but I see now I did the right thing by putting him in when I did. He's really smart, and I think he would have been bored if we wouldn't have gone. We still have to work on using appropriate volume levels and talking when it's appropriate, but there is no question that academically he is right on target.

Since Barrett has become involved, Kyle has become so much more manly. He got to hunting and fishing for the first time this year. He mows lawns, and overall has just toughened up a lot. I don't think he'll stop loving his mama, but it's been good to see him mature in ways he needed to.

I never realized how special having a little boy would be. He amazes me. I love being his mother more and more everyday!

I love you Kyle Jackson! Happy 6th birthday!!!

2010-07-25T22:17:00.000-05:00

It's my bedtime, but I thought I would blog first. I'm sleepy, but if I go to bed now, that means I'll be closer to having to get up in the morning. I'm a morning person, so I don't mind getting up. I just really don't want to go to work. I'M TIRED. I'm thankful for a good job, and a good company to work for, but all of these stupid mortgage rules are well...just stupid. I won't go off on a rant, but I'm not kidding you when I say when the mortgage meltdown happened some moron in our government who knew absolutely nothing about a mortgage loan or how to set one up decided to regulate things. In doing so, they made some really dumb rules and made all of our lives harder. Those of us with any ethics, anyways. I'd feel a lot better about it too, if I didn't have a headache. It's going on over 24 hours now and pain killer helps, but it hasn't gone away. I've had issues with my head for a little over a year now. It finally came to the point where something had to be done in October. I started going to the chiropractor weekly, and he has helped me tremendously. I go once a month now, but sometimes I'll still get a headache. I worked out really hard Friday night and ran a lot, and I know that's what brought it on. I'm hoping it will end soon. Maybe then I won't be so grouchy. It's hard to be grouchy and be a nice mom! :)

Really though with all of that said, we had a nice weekend. Barrett was home with us all weekend. He's been mowing and tree trimming this summer to make extra money to pay for my schooling, and he got everything done in the week so we could all be together. There are so many occasions where I just thank God for everything I have; headache, stressful job, and wonderful husband and family...it's all good. I've thought many times how the life we have now together seems as if that's how it's always been. My former marriage seems like a dream. In November it would have been my 9 year anniversary with Nathan. That seems so unreal. I know it happened, I have the evidence of three children, but other than that, it's as if Barrett and I were meant to be together from the start. It's so funny how God works! I truly married the most awesome man! He's not perfect, but he's been perfect for me!Alright...off to bed. Maybe this week won't be so bad after all. And at least I have a great husband and family to come home to at the end of the day. It's all about perspective.

4th of July

2010-07-11T21:02:00.005-05:00

We had a great 4th of July in Eagle Nest, New Mexico with Barrett's parents. I've always heard that there's no such thing as a vacation with kids around, but they were great. Of course there was the occasional problem, and the ride home got a little long, but we had so much fun with them, and they had a wonderful time just being kids!

They're gone this week to Nebraska. Mason didn't go. We kept him here with us. He's really enjoying all of the attention. The quieter house has been nice, but I'm ready for the other two to come home. I miss them! I'm not ready for them to grow up.

2010-06-14T21:38:00.003-05:00

I'm going to do my best to keep this blog up. I never intended to ever let it go, I've just been so introverted lately, or I guess a better term would be guarded. I'm not sure exactly of what to be guarded of, but I don't know...it's kind of hard to explain.

My world has been rather busy this past month. We managed to survive school, and we are now in the summer. Things haven't let up any, however! I started school in May and have enjoyed it immensely. In June I started my weekend class, and I have one more weekend left. I'll finish the other class the end of July. Although, it has added another busy element to my life, I LOVE IT! I have learned so much this past month about psychology and counseling, and it's been amazing. The next several years are going to be really challenging, but I'm really looking forward to it all. However, I will be happy to have some what of a normal life back after this weekend. I feel like a hermit! I'm excited to also get to spend more time this summer with my family. The weekend of July 4th, we're taking the kids with us to Eagle Nest to celebrate the holiday with Barrett's parents. They'll get to fish and see a really awesome fire works show, or so I hear. It will be my first time to see it.

Time is just passing by it seems and it's been a good time. We have our ups and downs with the kids, but who doesn't right?! I think I've thought more about how I want to spend my time. You can't get it back once it's gone............Tomorrow will be one year ago that my Granddad died. It has been really hard for me today. I've just been so sad. I miss him a lot. I think sometimes missing someone makes us miss a past part of ourselves, if that makes sense. I also think that missing someone shows us the good things we have in our lives. I've got a lot of really good things, and I wish my Granddad was still a part of my life for me to share those things with, as he and my Grandmother were always so excited to hear about the new things in our lives. He was a good, good man.

I went to the gym tonight to get away and just run........I did just that. I ran 2.67 miles without stopping. Considering I haven't ran in over 2 weeks, because of my erratic June schedule that was really good for me. If I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm training for a 1/2 marathon in November in San Antonio. Yes, I believe that torturing myself is fun. :) It has been the best physical challenge I've had in my whole life, and I love it!!!

That's all for now. I'll try to be better about updating.

2010-05-03T22:04:00.002-05:00

Our lives have been relatively quiet...as quiet as it can be with 3 children that is. School is winding down and for the first time in several years, I'm actually looking forward to the summer. Longer days used to scare me, but I rather enjoy them now. We've got some things in the works to do for the summer, and I'm just looking forward to not having to do homework or be on such a strict schedule for a while!

I start school next Tuesday night, and I'm really looking forward to it. I hope I know what I'm getting myself into with this! I don't have to finish by a certain time, but of course I have a time line in my head on when I want to be done.

We had a great Easter, which also happened to fall on Madi's 8th birthday this year. Mason will be 3 in a little over 2 weeks, and Kyle is finishing up Kinder this year! It's so hard for me to believe!!! Mason is potty trained now, except for at night. I never had bed wetters until Mason. He won't wake up to go, so pull ups it is! He is such a little toot, but so fun! Madi is maturing so much by the day. We've really been working on "attitude" around here. We are bound and determined that we will get this under control at 8, so it's not completely out of control at 12. She has such a big heart and is so wise for such a little girl. She's been talking about baptism a lot lately. I'm not opposed to it, I just want to make sure she's ready and understands as much as she can. We've been studying with her along with a host of other people at church and my dad has been too. I have a feeling, it won't be long though before it happens! Kyle is as funny as ever. His report cards always come home with a comment like, "we are currently working on talking at appropriate times and using a level 1 voice." Yes, we're always working on that at home too! He is such a talker and so expressive, and so stinkin' smart!

Barrett and I are doing very well. He is such a blessing to me, not only for the father he is to the kids, but the awesome husband and friend he is to me! I guess with all we have going on day to day with the kids, we don't have to be doing much to be busy. There's always something going on...even if it's just the laundry!

Life

2010-02-19T15:25:00.004-06:00

Our world has slowed down a lot, but we've had enough to keep us busy! I posted a few of my favorite wedding pics. There's one I'm missing that took place during the ceremony that makes me laugh so hard, but I got tired of staring at the little thumbnails trying to find it. I'll post it later. The second one I think is so cute of us all. And that was about as good as it was going to get for a family picture. The funny think is that Kyle has his hands in his pockets, because he filled them full of Pringles before the wedding started in case he got hungry. Too funny! The bottom picture was one of my family trying to get all together. Notice my sister, SuzAnne pointing at Mason who was nose diving down all the steps. It was hilarious!!! Overall the wedding was such a blast, because it was just nuts with so many kids running around, but that's what made it so great! It will forever be a great memory in our minds! Loved it!!!

Other than that, life has been really pretty simple. We are having a slow season right now, well as slow as it can be with three small ones, but we will be starting back soccer with Kyle soon and then I'll start school in May. I'm really excited about that! It's been a life goal of mine to go to Grad school and I can't believe it's coming true!

We're so ready for summer! Or at least a little bit warmer weather! Of course then when it gets too hot, you'll probably hear me complaining, but bring the heat on...please!!!

Hello January!!!

2010-01-27T20:14:00.003-06:00

I never intended to just let this blog go...we've just been really busy! Now that the wedding is over, I think life has turned somewhat back to normal, for a while anyways.

Here's what we've been up to...

Madi is finishing basketball up next week. She has really enjoyed it and she's good at it too! I think we may have found the girl a sport! She's doing good in school. She has to work hard having a good attitude somedays, but sometimes we all feel like that!

Kyle will start soccer again in late February. Hopefully he'll get a little more into it this season instead of staring at the grass...lol. Kyle's had a few times at school where he's gotten into trouble. Last week he went up to a kid and said, "hey I wanna fight you." So the kid punched him in the eye. Kyle just stood there. While fighting at school is not acceptable, I'm a little bit proud that he would be so courageous to say something like that. He's made huge strides in being a big boy!

Mason is potty training...sheesh. I'm so tired of diapers. And the boy could care less about going in the potty. He'll get it all done one day, and it's only really a problem is he's still in college wearing diapers. It's all about perspective, right?!

The wedding was great! It was such a blessing and we couldn't have had a more perfect day! Life has been really blessed around our house!

Soccer's Over!

2009-11-22T16:25:00.004-06:00

Soccer wrapped up two weeks ago...I think? Things have gone by so fast lately, I can't even really remember. We had his soccer party at Mr. Gatti's last Sunday. I do remember that at least! :)

Madi started basketball a couple of weeks ago. Right now she's just practicing. Her games will start in December. So far she's really loving it! She is quite the defensive player! I'm certain she will give a girl a black eye before the season is over!

She will be leaving on Tuesday to go to Nebraska to see her grandma, grandpa and dad. I gave Kyle the choice too, but he's just certain a tornado will be waiting for him the minute he crosses the Kansas border...lol. Trying to convince him otherwise is hopeless! That and he did mention that he would miss his momma too much. :) And of course, Mason is staying here. He'd be lost if he went! Say some prayers for her safe travel please. I/we will really miss her a lot!!! It's been a long time since I've not been with my kids for a holiday.

Mason turned two!!! (for the second time...the first time was in May...now he's just acting like it.)Holy cow...he's been a little toot! I'm trying to potty train him. I'm ready to get this down and have everyone house broken!!! He's proving to be a little bit stubborn.

That's is for now...and by the way, if you commented and asked to have access, I added you. If you're not able to get on the new blog, please let me know.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

2009-11-08T15:49:00.002-06:00

Okay, I got it done. You should have gotten an email from me inviting you to the other blog. If you don't have a google account it will make you sign up for one, that way you'll be be able to log in. If it's too confusing, let me know. I think it should be pretty self explanatory. If for some reason you asked for access and you didn't get an email let me know. I'll check and see what the problem is.

Thanks!

New and Old Blog

2009-11-06T18:51:00.002-06:00

I made an executive decision. I'm the C.E.O. of this blog, so I pretty much run things around here. I'm going to keep this one open. It will a place for pictures and stories of the kids. This will give friends and family members a place to see what's going on in their lives.

I'm also starting another blog. That one will be the private one. I'm currently coming up with a name and all that. Of those of you that asked for access, I will add you to that one. I'm sure I'll still talk about the kids, but it will mostly be a place for my thoughts on whatever I'm thinking at the time.

I think you should get an email when it's done. I'm new at this whole "private" thing, so bear with me. I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to get much done! How I'll manage to keep up with two blogs, I'm not sure, but I'm going to give it a good try! See you soon! :)

I'm closing...

2009-10-25T22:56:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone, I've made a decision to set my blog to private. I'm not looking to leave any of my friends or family out, but feel this will be better for me.

I really hate to close it, as I have "met" many friends this way, but I think I need to. I'm going to leave it open for another week and then I'll change it. If you want to keep reading, you'll need to send me the email address (or addresses) you use to log in to it, so I can add you. If you have any problems in doing this, please let me know. I realize I may not know everyone who reads this, so please don't be afraid to ask for permission. Thanks! :)

Wow!!!

2009-10-16T22:09:00.002-05:00

The neatest thing happened to me this week. Barrett and I had decided several weeks ago that Sunset would be the location for the wedding. For many reasons, it made the most sense. We got it booked and I was very happy to have settled that.

I went to the store after I got off work on Wednesday and my phone rang. It was my friend, S, who works at Sunset. There was a problem, but she assured me that I would be taken care of. We just needed to work together and we would get the problem solved.

Every year Sunset has their annual SIBI workshop. It was supposed to be on the weekend of the 30th, but it had to be changed at the last minute, so they moved it to the 23rd. Whoops...we already had the building booked...hence the problem!

S and I go back a ways...she's always been so sweet and supportive of me over the years, even prior to my divorce. I know she was there for the birth of at least one of my children...maybe even two...it gets a little blurry. So if I had to be dealing with anyone there, I'd want it to be her.

I was a little worried about the predicament, and I told her that maybe we should both think of some options overnight and I'd call her tomorrow to see what we could come up with. She agreed.

About an hour later she called me back and she had talked it over with her boss and some other "bosses" there, and she knew that originally I really had my heart set on being married at Monterey. She said that they decided since it was their mistake and in order to make the best for everyone, why didn't they (Sunset) just pay for us to be married at Monterey. That way SIBI gets what they need and we get what we really wanted.

Wow, wow, wow...I was speechless! I'm still speechless. I'm sooo incredibly grateful, and I could tell S was so happy that they were able to do that for us. I really struggled with words for to say to her. Thank you didn't seem like enough.

So there you have it...the wedding is at Monterey. Fortunately it hadn't been booked, but it is now for January 23rd for us!

We truly are sooo blessed!

My Frame of Reference

2009-10-13T11:11:00.003-05:00

I apologize if sometimes I seem like I'm coming from left field. I say a lot of things that either are or aren't happening in my world. I've been given a lot of opportunities for my frame of reference to be opened up and experience new things. It's been really neat, and God's blessed me through that.

I've spent a lot of time watching people and seeing how their choices affect them for good and bad. For some of those people, they take responsibility for those, some don't. Some of those people had really difficult childhoods, but they didn't allow that to be the reason for their bad choices; some did.

I look at my kids, my daughter in particular, who really struggles sometimes and has a lot lately. She would love to blame this person and that person for why life is hard; I can't let her. I won't let her. As much as I would love to make life perfect for her, I would be doing her a great dis-service in doing that. God is giving her a story too, but she has to make the choice to play a part in it. So far in my short parenting career, that lesson has been the most challenging one for me.

Life sucks...and it's your fault.

2009-10-12T14:35:00.003-05:00

I find blaming others for the bad choices you make or have made in life one of the most annoying and hurtful character flaws.

Yes, life sucks sometimes. We all get flat tires, have a bad hair day, get laid off, get the flu...you fill in the blank, but that's life. It doesn't bypass any of us!

I find it incredibly hard to teach a child that yes, you might have gotten the short end of the stick, but you can't use that as an excuse for bad choices. There's a fine line between being sensitive and indulging a child who has been hurt. On one end, I'm defensive and would love to protect my child in the way I see fit (which might not be the godliest way) and on the other end I have to apologize to them and say I'm sorry you've been wrongly hurt, but you also have a choice in what you do with the lemons God gave you.

That's an equally tough lesson to teach adults too. Especially those adults who their entire lives have been blaming this person or that person for why their life sucks. It can become such a hard habit to break.

There is power in a choice, extreme power. You always have a choice, always. Choices have consequences, but there is a huge blessing with choices. Especially those choices grounded in seeking God's path.

Giving and Receiving

2009-10-07T21:11:00.004-05:00

I was at Wal-mart tonight, and like many times I'm out and about, I'm amazed at the strange conversations I find myself enthralled in with someone I don't know. This woman made a comment about the amount of groceries I was buying. It was a lot, actually the most I think I've ever bought at one time at the store. She went on to say that she was a single mom and it seems never ending when you're providing for your kids, and difficult. And yet, you will find yourself back at the store later having to buy more food. I told her that although I was now getting re-married, I completely understood that. I knew the struggle of wanting and needing to provide, but not having the financial resources to do so. A single mom always feels guilty, always.

I've thought a lot over the last couple of years how I don't ever want to forget that struggle. Just because my life is moving into another direction, I don't want to forget how hard it was. That struggle makes me so thankful for the blessings in my life now, and the future blessings to come.

Sometimes I think a single mom can easily be screaming to God or whoever it is they choose to voice their thoughts to, "I don't care who or what gets me out of this situation, but I want out, and I want it now!" God always hears us, ALWAYS, but we have to be patient, and have the faith to know that God always does provide, it just may not be in the conventional ways we expect. Unfortunately when you're screaming a message like that, someone else is listening too, and he doesn't play as nice. He may provide what you think is an out, but at what cost?

I'm so thankful for the many blessings and random acts of kindness that have been given to me over the last 3 years. I wouldn't have survived without them. People don't realize the power they have in giving. You truly do receive so much back for giving to poor, needy, homeless, and fatherless. To me that's the essence of what God wants us to understand about who He is.

I was reading blogs tonight, I read my future sister in law's blog, Kara, and I was amazed at the random act of kindness that a person did for her today. Things like that blow my mind. What may seem so small to the person doing it, do so much for the person on the receiving end. I thought about the things that have been done for me. I really wish I had written about every single thing that has been given to me or done for me. It's powerful!!! I don't ever mind telling people is asked, because I believe it has a purpose, but at the same time I really hate feeling vulnerable about everyone knowing my business on the world wide web, anyways.

I have accepted that I am a poster child for single moms in a really bad situation, who have overcome. I have tried to use that for God's glory. I want to continue to use that even after I've been married for 25+ years. God's powerful, and we are all called to be his representation on earth. So in no particular order, here's some of the amazing things that people (most of them are from random people that I don't even know) have done for me in the name of God:

1. One night a lady called me and said she had something for me from a group of people. It was $2000. I was speechless.

2. One Christmas I received a check for $250 from a woman who didn't know me, but her daughter did. She wanted us to try to have a nice Christmas.

3. Another Christmas an old co-worker sent me a check for $100.

4. Someone sent me over $1800 one month to help out. Again, speechless.

5. A friend gave me $500 before Christmas last year, they said they wanted to be Santa for my kids.

6. Someone paid my gas bill for almost a year.

7. A friend had her daughter give me free babysitting once a month so I could get out of the house.

8. One word: groceries!

9. My old employer collected over $900 for me from all the employees.

10. A family bought me a new computer, fax machine and gave me money to get my internet service set up for the house, because I was working from home.

These are just a few things...

And I don't say these things to brag, not at all. You're misinterpreting me if that's the case. My point is that I have been blessed by YOU, and I'm so thankful. I don't ever want to forget. These things were given to me, and literally helped me to survive. LITERALLY. I don't have to tell you how bad it was for to understand how each and everything got me from point A to B, but they did.

These "random" conversations that I've been having lately are not random, they're God...He's giving me purpose. YOU all have given me purpose and HUGE hope. I believe He's starting to put the practice into play for me for what He wants me to do with my life.

I still laugh at myself when I think back three years ago and I prayed a simple prayer, "God I'd really like you to use me...I really want to know you more. I want to be more involved in the world you made." Little did I know what he had in store just 3 short months later. My response to my separation and oncoming divorce was, "God I meant I wanted to help with baby showers, and cook for funerals, and teach bible class more...not feel completely abandomed." Take it from me, don't pray for something that you don't really mean. BUT when it does happen, know that at the end of the day, He has you in mind, and He will never leave or forsake you.

A good lesson I've learned about giving is, that while it's been very hard to talk about sometimes and allow myself to be "naked" to the public, it was my responsibility to let others help me. By that I mean, when you don't let others help you, you're standing in the way of the ministry and purpose God is doing in them and through them. All the glory goes to Him, so it was never really about me! So when someone wants to help you, let them...but pay it forward. You will then begin to understand the power of giving and receiving.

Soccer Player

2009-09-23T19:28:00.005-05:00

I didn't get many more pictures than this one...I kind of got involved in the game. Kyle did good! We think he will end up enjoying it. He hasn't complained so far yet, so that's progress in my book! His next game is Saturday, but I won't be able to go. We're doing the Scream Free Marriage and Parenting thing at church, and the Parenting portion is Saturday. I hate to miss the game, but we both think it's for a good cause. Barrett will get to be with him. He kind of has to, since he's the coach. And if you're interested in the Scream Free thing I was talking about, you can go to Monterey's website for more info. http://www.montereychurch.com/

Anyways, things are busy as usual! Today I am 31 1/2 years old and it's four months to the day from our wedding! That still seems like such an eternity away, but we're both ready for it to get here!!! At times it has just been tempting to go to the courthouse just for the sake of ease, but I'm hanging on...I go through spells when I stress about it, and then I'm fine. I am currently relatively fine. But ya know, I'm a woman, so that could change at a moments notice. :) At this point in time, all I can say about the location is that Monterey is currently booked with our wedding date for that weekend and when you get the invitation in the mail, you will know where the wedding is...because I still don't really know 100%. It might just end up being in YOUR living room...just kidding. I did tell Barrett that I was basically going to give him the pros and cons of the three places we're looking at, and I needed him to decide, because I can only tax my brain so much, before there's nothing left and still too many decisions to make. So I'm good with that plan. It will all work out for the best, it always does!

Have a great rest of the week! :)

2009-09-16T14:18:00.000-05:00

This year LISD is devoting 2 half days to meeting with each parent to update them on the status of their child. Yesterday I had Kyle's and I was very anxious to see what she had to say. Mrs. Wright said Kyle is doing fantastic. He's up to speed academically, and more mature than most of the boys in his class, although he's one of the youngest. I'm so happy to hear! She said he is hillarious and she loves having him in there. She told me that on Monday morning he came in and sat down and said, "Oh, I am just so happy to be here today, and I'm so happy that I got to go to church yesterday and worship God." That just makes me giggle! :) Needless to say, the year has been great for him! Next week is Madi's conference. She seems to think that 2nd grade is too hard, and would just prefer to go back to 1st grade, unfortunately she's out of luck.

I'm really excited about a new Bible study I'm starting on Sunday with another church in town. It's a life group specifically for single moms. It's a little crazy how I stumbled upon the group, I was definitely searching, but didn't expect to be received as well as I have been so far. From what I understand these are women who are really in survival mode right now. So, I'm pretty pumped...and just know it will lead to good things!

Everything else is going great. Kyle's first soccer game in Saturday. We're all really excited about that! His team's name is "Explosion", which I think is a little strange...sounds like one of Mason's bad diapers to me...but whatever, LSA didn't call me for suggestions on team names. :)

Have a great rest of the week!

I want to remember...

2009-09-08T10:04:00.004-05:00

I've learned a lot over the last couple of days, weeks, months, and year. They're all things worthy for me to remember. In no particular order...

1. Be the kind of friend that you would want your friends to be to you. Call them for no reason. Call them to tell them that you're thinking of them and that you love them. Don't wait for a crisis.

2. Cherish your family. They're the only one you've got. Some family relationships take some work. Work at it. Remember that your friends and family are blessings from God.

3. Protect your marriage. Don't expect others to. While you can surround yourself with good people and good things, at the end of the day, it's your responsibility and not someone else's. I'm not saying to walk around paranoid, but be pro-active about your marriage. Don't be naive. There are men and women who prey on married men and women. While that's sick, it's true.

4. Marry the right person. Don't ignore red flags thinking that somehow they'll be worked out down the line. They'll only get worse.

5. It's true that we are the only Jesus some people will ever see. Take that seriously. You never know how much you can influence a person by simply being who God made you to be.

6. Get a babysitter. You might think you can't afford it, but really you can't afford not to. Trade babysitting with another family with kids if you have to. One night you take their kids for the evening and then another night you drop your kids off at their house, and go have fun with your spouse! Don't wait until the kids get older to get to know your spouse again. It'll be too late.

7. Have a girls night out!

8. Praise God every chance you get, even when things happen that you don't understand. It's okay to question Him. It gives you an opportunity to grow closer to Him.

9. Hug your kids every chance you get. They are gifts from above on loan to us. Parent them and don't stop even when it seems easier to throw your hands up, and say "forget it."

10. Be a family. Spend time together. Eat dinner together. Spend Saturdays together. Talk to each other. Make your home a place that you would want to come home to.

11. While the grass may seem greener on the other side of the hill, don't forget that it still has to be watered, fertilized and mowed. I realize that not every marriage can be saved, but not every marriage is worth throwing away for something that looks better or seems easier. Instead why not cultivate your own garden? If there are weeds, take the time to get those out. Plant some new flowers, and don't forget to water them.

Lori Bufe

2009-09-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

Services for Lori Bufe, 28, of Lubbock, and formerly of Abernathy, will be held at 2 p.m. Wednesday, August 2, 2009, in the Abernathy High School Auditorium with Steve Gauntt and David Bennett officiating. Burial will follow in the Abernathy Cemetery under the direction of Abell Funeral Home and Flower Shop of Abernathy.

Ms. Bufe succumbed to her battle with cancer Sunday, August 30, 2009, in Lubbock.
She was born February 18, 1981 in Plainview, to Harold and Linda (Cook) Bufe. The family lived in Panhandle and Hale Center before moving to Abernathy, where she graduated from Abernathy High School in 1999. She played basketball and was in FFA and showed livestock. She attended Texas Tech University and Lubbock Christian University and was a trainer for the LCU Men's Basketball Team. She pledged Kappa Phi Kappa and was employed as restaurant manager at Ruby Tequilas.

Lori is survived by her parents, Harold and Linda Bufe; a sister, Cheri Liess and her husband Jake; and a brother, Ryan Bufe and his wife Ashley all of Abernathy. She is also survived by her grandparents, Wilford and Faye Bufe of Hale Center, and Wayne and Charlotte Cook of Spokane, Wash.; two nieces, Taelor and Addison Liess, and Brock Bufe; one uncle, Howard Bufe of Dallas; and an aunt, Betty Williams of Ft. Worth.

The family will be receiving friends at their home.

The Bufe family suggests memorials be sent to the Hope Lodge, c/o American Cancer Society, 3411 73rd Street, Lubbock, TX 79423, Camp Blue Haven, 1520 Mineral Hill Rd, Las Vegas, NM 87701, or the Abernathy Church of Christ, 916 Ave. E, Abernathy, TX 79311.

School, New Car, and MY DRESS!

2009-08-29T16:15:00.003-05:00

This has been a very busy and productive week! Not only did school start, but a lot of other things happened too! First, the kids are doing great. Kyle loves school! He is thriving so well, and soaking it all in. He is just a different child! I now see just how ready he really was for K-garten. Madi is doing well...she had a little bit harder time transitioning...but we've ironed a lot of that out! We met aunt Jenny last night at the Dixie Dog in Seagraves (we're high class folks...it was either that or the Dairy Queen) and Madi went to spend the weekend with her.

In other news...I got a new car!!! I LOVE it! It's a 2004 Trailblazer. I got rid of the minivan, and I'm so thankful! Doing this was so good for Barrett and I, and puts us in a much better position, and now we have a reliable car for the family. We're all so happy and proud!

The wedding planning continues. I tried on Jennifer's dress Friday afternoon, and like the other dress I had tried on, it was just too small on top. So, I decided to give David's Bridal a shot and see if I could find something. Not only did I find something, but I got a gown that fits perfectly and looks beautiful for only $99. Seriously!!! I couldn't believe it. It must have been fate. I won't need any alterations and I won't have to go on a liquid diet or anything! This morning my mom and SuzAnne went back with me to check it out again, and I own it now! SuzAnne got her bridesmaids dress ordered too while we were there. I think her day was made too, because she fit into a much smaller size than she thought she would. Then mom and I went to Hobby Lobby to get patterns for the flower girl dresses. She's going to make them for about 1/3 of the cost that David's Bridal was selling them for. So right now the only other thing I'm re-thinking is our location. I absolutely love my church, but it's just too pricey for us, even as members. So we're exploring other options and right now Sunset's chapel (not the auditorium) looks to be the best deal. I was actually surprised to find out that their policy on wedding music isn't as conservative as I thought it would be. Unless something other than that works out, and we're open to any suggestions (hint, hint) we're really leaning towards having it there.

So all in all...things have been really busy, but great!

1st Day of School

2009-08-25T12:40:00.000-05:00

The kids had a great first day! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to watch Kyle, but he seemed to really enjoy it. He didn't even want me to take him in, but I insisted. He didn't want me to today either, but I had to go in for something else. Tomorrow I'll let them walk in by themselves.

I asked Kyle how the toilets were. I made sure not to say anything like, "were you scared", or anything like that. I don't want to perpetuate the fear. He said, "good, mom. I went in them all day long." :) Problem taken care of!

So another year has begun. Time is just flying...sometimes I like that, sometimes I don't. My babies are just growing up!

Open House

2009-08-21T14:51:00.002-05:00

Open house went really great! Mrs. Wright, Kyle's teacher, may have a run for her money. Kyle was cracking me up. Her husband was there taking individual pictures of the kids while Mrs. Wright talked to the parents. I was listening to the conversation between Mr. Wright and Kyle. "So uh, is this like a little office over here?" (Kyle talking about Mrs. Wright's desk) "Uh, do they have fire alarms in this room? (Kyle has a real fascination with fire alarms and making sure all houses are equiped with them and they are working properly.) Are we going to do fire drills? Are we going to take naps? Does that toilet work?" (they have their own bathroom in their classroom) He was going on and on...as I suspected. When some parents were leaving the room Mrs. Wright asked them if they had any questions. Kyle immediately said, "well I've got some questions." And so it started alllllllll over...lololololol...

We filled out a paper describing our children. I failed to mention that Kyle has a fear of toilets that automatically flush. Which is what the school bathrooms have. I don't know if I should warn her about that or not. I don't want to be an alarmist or anything, it's a pretty real fear for him, and one that we have not conquered yet.

Madi's teacher, Mrs. Wheeler was great...both are equally excited to be together again in the same classroom! So ready or not...

Barrett is going to hunt or fish this weekend...something like that. All I know is that it involves being in the heat, which is not my cup of tea. We'll miss him, but he needs to get away and have fun! The kids and I are just going to chill this weekend and get ready for Monday.

Have a good weekend!

Back to school

2009-08-19T16:14:00.002-05:00

I took Kyle today to the Dr. to get him ready for his big day at school next week. He had to get a couple of shots, because Mom hadn't gotten them updated right. Stuff like that makes me feel really bad, and I question what I was doing a year ago this time that would cause myself to not get them updated...I was just livin' and that alone was enough! He did great though. He has changed sooo much over the last couple of months. He used to be so scared of things...anything. He's such a brave boy, and he is certainly ALL boy! He turned 5 on August 4th. I still haven't posted pictures from that or from some of the things the kids got to do this summer. I will post a pic later from this past week that just made me laugh so hard! I ran his bath water and told him to go get in it. A few minutes later I went to check on him and I walk in and he has on his swimming trunks and a floatie ring around his waist. I'm sure he still got clean! :) He is just too funny in his very own personal way. Much different than how Madi and Mason are funny. The other night at dinner he asked me how old I would be when he was old. So I just picked a number...and said, "Kyle when you're 20 years old, I'll be 46 years old." His gentle response was, "wow, Mom, you'll almost be dead!" Yes...yes, hopefully they'll have my spot reserved at the Care Center in Slaton. :)

I have really mixed emotions about him going to school next year. He's ready I know. He's definitely smart enough, I just don't like him being the youngest. Again I say, we'll see how the year goes and decide what to do about next year. He is sooo excited though...he loves his new backpack, lunchbox, and he's ready to learn! I'm just now sure how much momma is ready! When Madi went, it was honestly a relief. That girl could have gone at 3 and been teaching the class. Not to mention, the place in life I was in...now is a different story. Life is so much better and settled, and I'm really loving it all! The realization that the kids are growing and getting older makes me very nostalgic and sappy these days, opposed to days when I said, "Dear God, please let the kids get a little bit older so I can rest just a little bit!"

Kyle is starting soccer too this season. Barrett is going to coach his team. We're both pretty excited about that. It's going to make a busy fall, even busier, but worth it. I'm just so thankful for all of the blessings. Barrett is the greatest Dad to them, and they love him so much. They're having a lot of fun, and really learning what a family is.

We have open house tomorrow night to meet their teachers. I had already requested one for Kyle at the recommendation from Mrs. W, who was Madi's Kindergarten teacher. I wanted her for Kyle...but she moved up to 2nd grade this year. I was then supposed to request Mrs. W for Madi, but I messed around and missed the chance to do it...but luckily enough she got put in her class!!! So we're all really excited! I think the school year is off to a good start!

Now if we can just win the lottery to pay for the wedding...lol. That's do-able, right?! :)

2009-08-18T08:41:00.002-05:00

I'm not a bible scholar, and I doubt I will ever be. I'm pretty sure that in the bible God never said to try to understand Him, or the battles of life. However, He did ask for us to have faith and to know that ALL things in life work for His purpose. That being said, it's not my place to continually try to understand or make sense of the world. I'll never succeed at that, no matter how hard I try. It is important for me to be thankful and faithful in all situations. I still pray for a miracle for Lori, and for her family. I pray for peace that only God can supply for this time in their lives.

Prayers...

2009-08-14T09:56:00.003-05:00

There's a lot I need to be doing this morning, but I'm taking a break to do something more important in the grand scheme of life.

My friend, Cheri and her family have been on my heart quite a bit for some time now. Most of you know the situation. For those of you that don't; Cheri's younger sister, Lori has cancer. They've had their ups and downs with it, celebrations and dissappointments, and most recently some even more dissapointing news. I read the most recent update this morning, and this is what Lori's mom wrote.
***********************
"A dear friend told me last week that God would give us strength for each day just as He provided manna in the wilderness for the Israelites - just enough for the day. We needed those words today and are trying not to look too far ahead. The news we have received is not what we want to hear. The doctors feel the cancer has spread and is causing the symptoms Lori is experiencing. It was our greatest fear, but to hear it spoken was a hard thing. Dr. Cobos does not believe there is any time to waste. He had Lori moved to the 4th floor to begin chemotherapy tomorrow. She will receive one infusion of two drugs and then we will wait and continue to pray for a good outcome and as always we ask that you continue to lift Lori's name to the Father."
************************

I had just talked to Cheri on Wednesday, and she was telling me all that was going on, and we were just talking about life in general. How hard this is for her, for her mother and father, for Lori. I can't even possibly imagine what it's like. It's almost to the point of completely not having any understanding of how this could be happening to Lori...or to any of them. We all know that bad things happen to good people, and we have very little understanding of the "why"...and for Christians we're supposed to remain faithful knowing that God is in control. AHEM, excuse me for being bruttally honest for a minute, but does God really have anything to do with cancer? I don't know. I don't know why I've had several friends lose mothers, lost a friend myself, and really see it all over the place. Yes, this is our Father's world, but there's lots of things about this world He doesn't like for agree with. So I'm just not sure God really has anything to do with cancer, but I do know that He is only one constant thing in this world. He is the one at the end of the day that you can look up to when your on your knees. He will give you more strength than a Dr. Pepper and Snickers bar can offer, and will love and comfort you more than you can imagine. He may not have anything to do with it, but He is standing with you in the middle of it.

I tread pretty carefully when I say that, because I know what it's like to hear the cliches from others. Sometimes although meant well, when you're down and out, it's really hard to hear when you're just trying to make sense of what's going on in the world. People experience pain very differently, and it can be very personal. I can't say I know specifically what they're going through...because I don't. It's just my personal perspective, based on the world in which I've lived, and the things I've experienced. What does God have to do with divorce? Nothing...He makes it pretty clear how He feels about divorce. He did, however, stand with me through an extremely difficult time, and continually has protected me.

Cancer is scary to me. It's almost as if the disease itself has taken on a life of it's own, and it's kind of an abstract enemy that has a very real presence in this world. When you hear the words come from someone's mouth that they have it or someone close to them has it, it's hard not to think the worst.

So with a heavy heart, I ask for prayers for my friends. No one knows what is going to happen. We all know how powerful God is, and that He is capable of anything. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!!! I pray that God will heal Lori, and comfort her. I also pray that God will be with Cheri and all her family for the difficult time they are going through, and while they may not have understanding, but they would have peace that God is with them. I pray that God shows His light in us and through us, for HIS purpose everyday.

The Beans

2009-08-09T19:44:00.002-05:00

Okay, so here are the beans for now. It's still pretty early, and there's not a whole lot I can do quite yet. For now though, the official date is January 23, 2010. I'm anxiously awaiting to try on my second wedding dress the end of August. I don't want to buy one, so several girls have offered theirs to me to borrow...hopefully this one works!!! My bridesmaids are picked: SuzAnne, Jenny Beth, Sheila, Jenny, Elaina, and Kara (Barrett's sis). It will be at Monterey, and it's going to be really simple. It's never been about throwing an elaborate wedding, just something for us to remember and for the kids to be a part of. Madi is most excited about being my flower girl, and she will be accompanied by Miss Sydney. Mason and Ryder will be our ring bearers and Kyle and my dad will walk me down the aisle. Needless to say, it will be a very kid friendly environment! Our colors are black and white...with a tiny bit of red. We're really excited...January seems like forever away, but it will really get here so quick. So that's it for now...Madi is sitting beside me while I'm writing this...she asked me to tell everyone "hi!" :)

Where to start?!

2009-08-03T10:54:00.003-05:00

Man, oh man...I don't even know where to begin with this post! I know many of you are dying to know details, but I'm sure that leaves some of you asking what in the world I'm talking about?!

It's official...Barrett and I are engaged! It happened this past weekend while we were in Eagle Nest. I kind of had an idea it was going to happen. I knew Barrett really wanted it to be special for me. That was a really huge thing for him. He wanted me to have the "story" to tell, and a place for us. He wanted to give me everything I didn't have the first time. (insert tear here) On top of that, his father proposed to his mother in Eagle Nest too. Soooo...I thought it would happen. He did surprise me though when he did it. We hadn't even made it to the cabin yet, and he kept wanting to stop and show me "this" and "that"...and while we were at "that"...which also happened to be his favorite lucky fishing spot, he asked me to marry him. Since I was taken so off guard, I wasn't even paying attention. I was preoccupied with the clear water running through the stream. I wanted to watch a fish jump, and then I hear him talking "all serious like"...lol.

He had done everything right. He had gone and talked to my dad, and of course my dad couldn't have been more thrilled. He had asked his parents too. He had Sheila's stamp of approval...and a couple other friends as well. I don't think Barrett could have done anything differently to make it more perfect. He's everything I never knew I needed and more. Often times we have both asked ourselves, "where have you been all my life???" We have both learned through a lot of trials, that we've both been getting ready for each other.

Sometimes it's been so easy for me feel like I would be a huge burden to a man, especially a man with no children. He could easily go find a single woman and start "fresh", but I also learned the value Barrett had for a woman that loved God. Not to say that there aren't other women out there that love God too, but I assure you luck had nothing to do with this one...it was all a God thing in us coming together. I'm so thankful...and so blessed.

Life for the last several years has felt somewhat like an episode of "The Twilight Zone", or better yet, "The Twilight Saga"...oh man...that would be way more fun! I started those on Friday, and have two chapters left of "New Moon"...I'm totally addicted!!! I'm pretty sure I'm going to be banned from reading after I finish these, I wasn't the greatest of traveling companions. :) However, Barrett was completely impressed with my ability to read so fast! ANYWAYS...life has been strange at times. I've often wondered what God was up to...knowing He was up to something. He had to be. Was a great relationship my final answer? No, I don't really think so, because the way I see it, this isn't the end. Life still marches on and there still will be difficulties to face, but I'm so thankful to face them with Barrett. He's a great partner.

I'm not going to lie and say there hasn't been a fear that has creeped up from time to time that has made me feel insecure. I've had one walk out on me before; what's going to be the difference this time? This will be more stressful...have any of you seen the divorce rates for second marriages? They're over 60%. That's a tough pill to swallow. How do you handle that? Hmmm...I can't say I have all the answers yet. I can say that a really good sense of humor will get you far. In addition to lots of grace, and selflessness. None of us are perfect...I'm not, Barretts not.

I really have a whirlwind of emotions going on right now...all very good, but some strange ones too...hence "twilight". I'm really excited about the wedding, but I kind of have to keep myself feeling normal too. I still have a lot on my plate and the sun still comes up and goes down regardless of the days events. Speaking of a wedding, yes, there will be a real wedding. I know we've both already done the wedding thing, but for several different reasons we will be doing it again. That adds some stress and possibly the need for me to breathe into a paper bag on occasion, and not because of the idea of marriage...I'm very cool with that. It's the planning and preparation...in addition to living everyday life. BUT, it will be fun. In the end it will be worth it, and it's the right thing. We could elope, we thought about it, but there's three little children that need to see this. Not to mention a mama.

So stay tuned...I'm sure I'll be bloggin' the whole thing. I've got a few more calls to make before I can spill any more beans.

Just livin'

2009-07-21T10:30:00.003-05:00

There are just some things that you shouldn't try to eat. Bathroom towels would be one of those. Barrett had to make a visit to the after hours animal clinic with Rebel yesterday evening, because Rebel ate a bathroom towel, and AHEM...it got stuck on it's way out. Fortunately the peeps there were very nice. They didn't even charge him the $150 "after hours" charge for their removal services. That dog eats anything and everything in his sight! Baby wipes seem to be his favorite. He just swallows them whole. Anyways...

My weekend was great! I had so much fun! There wasn't much of an agenda...just have fun and relax! We layed out by the pool most of the time and it was just wonderful!!! I got to see Jenny while I was there. She did my hair for me on Saturday and I actually stayed at her house with her, instead of at my aunt's house. My aunt has a few felines, and I'm highly allergic to cats. However, the time while I was there, the cats didn't bother me. So all in all, it was just GREAT!

Barrett was a sweetheart, as usual. He's already told me that he's going to have a fishin' trip coming up in the fall, as well as some huntin' ones too. I owe him at least that for the many times he's stepped in for me. I called him on Saturday to see how everything was, and he was getting all the kids ready to take them swimming at the gym we go to. Yes, Barrett with all THREE of my children. There were no other adults there to help him. There was a little bit of drama...Mason threw up on him in the pool and then after swimming he took them to United and Kyle messed with something on his truck door and he couldn't get it shut. So he had to hold the door shut to make it home. :) Needless to say by Sunday evening he was really wanting me to get home...but he had a good time, and so did the kids.

Up next, Eagle Nest...we can't wait!!!

Busy summer

2009-07-14T15:23:00.002-05:00

We had a GREAT 4th of July! It was so fun for all of us! I have lots of pictures that I might get around to posting. That's probably unlikely though...I've been doing good to just blog! We've been really busy, and it's probably not slowing down much.

I'm going to Dallas this weekend, it's still up in the air if I'm leaving Friday or Saturday. It's a girls weekend! Every year for as long as I can remember my aunt has had this "top secret" party, and for the first time the "younger" girls are invited. We're all really looking forward to it!

Then the first weekend in August, Barrett and I are going with his parents to Eagle Nest. I can't wait, not only to get away, but to get out of this heat!

We'll pretty much turn around and then school will be starting! Crazy stuff!!!

Life is good...still ready to iron out some more wrinkles...and they will be...one at a time.

Time and Kyle's Brain Vacation

2009-07-03T09:02:00.004-05:00

"Maybe one day my life won't suck so bad." Me to my sister Jenny~ July 4, 2007

That's kind of a sad statement, but a very honest one for where I was in life two years ago. Miserable, just plain miserable. Trying to see the good in life and doing everything I could to focus on the positive, but at the end of the day, I really felt as though life sucked.

Sometimes life does suck. That's life, and I don't think there's anything wrong with being honest about it. People have an appreciation for honesty. Sure, there is such a thing as being too honest, but that's where tact comes into play. You either got it, or you don't, or you desperately need to learn to find some...tact, that is.

I remember that 4th of July vividly. Madi and Kyle went to Nathan's mom's house for a couple of weeks. Mason was 6 weeks old and not even close to sleeping for more than 4 hours at a time, and I was beginning to breaking down physically. I shared the holiday with my parents and then took Mason home to our little 2 bedroom duplex that we lived in (or survived really) and sat on my front porch. I couldn't really see any fireworks, and I was so exhausted that I think I was doing good to not fall asleep before 10 p.m. I sat on that bench and cried and wondered when life would be better. I knew it would be someday, just when?!

Fast forward one year later, life was better. I had overcome a lot, and became a lot stronger.

Fast forward two years later, life is a LOT better. Don't get me wrong, I don't wear glass slippers and drive to work in a coach made out a pumpkin, but I have a very blessed life. There's been a lot of things that as a family we have had to adjust to in this new phase, but they have all been so good for us. The kids are doing so well. They are genuinely happy, and so am I. It's great to dream again. Honestly for the first time in my life, I FEEL like a family, and not some pieced together, "oh let's pretend for a while" and go back to life. I guess for me, that's about as close to perfect as I can get.

That being said, I'll leave you with my favorite kid story of the week. It's from Kyle...that boy is cracking me up more and more these days. He is so funny in his own way, much different than how Madi and Mason are funny.

Wednesday during dinner:

Kyle: Mom, my brain has gone on vacation for three days. One day he'll be at home sick, and then he's going to Disney World for two days.

Me: Oh really, well I sure hope that since your brain is gone this won't mean you'll be getting into trouble.

Kyle: Oh no, Mom. I've still got my ears to listen, it's just my brain that's on vacation.

Me: Oh, okay....lololololol.

Top 10

2009-06-19T13:42:00.003-05:00

I just realized that when I logged on to blogger that my last post was my 100th. Hmmm...interesting. Normally on your 100th post you do the "100 things about me"...I already did that on my old blog. And I don't have the brain power to come up with another "100 things about me"...so instead I'll do my "Top 10 favorite memories about my Granddad."

1. His best advice always was, "Now listen, if one of you kids gets in trouble with the law, be sure and call me and your Grandmother first, because we'll go a lot easier on you than your parents." Boy, that was the truth! Although, I never actually had to test that theory...I'm not sure that all the other cousins can claim that. I think I remember a certain cousin taking a joy ride on the Post airport runway late one night...lol.

2. Threatening Lyndee that he was going to tape her mouth shut with duct tape if she didn't stop talking so much. She was an incessant talker! I would hate to see Lyndee at 5 years old trying to compete with Kyle. No one would be able to get a word in with those two around!

3. Threatening to tape Jay Waylon's butt shut with duct tape if he didn't stop passing gas. (Apparently duct tape was to my Granddad like bleach is to my Grandmother...it cures and cleans everything is her theory!)

4. Friday nights at The Grandparents...with ALL the Grandkids. Oh the memories!

5. Lake Brownwood with my Grandparents...swimming, fishin', riding on the boat...that's where we've always had our family reunions.

6. Summers at my Grandparents...I would spend the summers there after we moved from Clovis to McAllen. Best summers of my life!

7. The time that Jay Waylon and Jason decided to climb the roof and nail a tent on it. They had a cooler and lawn chairs with them too. The police even called my Grandparents to tell them what was going on. So what do my Grandparents do? Get out the camera to take pictures of Waylon and Jason on the roof. They thought it was the funniest thing ever!

8. Dressing up with Jen, Amanda, and SuzAnne as the Golden Girls.

9. Christmas plays...SuzAnne would write one every year and we all had a part. Codie hated it! He was always so mad, but she made him do it anyways.

10. Saturday mornings getting into Grandmother and Granddad's bed after they had gotten up so we could watch cartoons. There would be at least 4 of us in there sharing the bed.

It's hard to separate memories of the two of them, because my Grandparents were such a pair.
Needless to say it was a tough week...for everyone. I could go on and on about the countless memories I have. I do, however, feel so blessed to have the wonderful memories! I guess it's kind of like the quote, "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." (Alfred Lloyd Tennyson) I agree completely, but there's a hole in all of our hearts. Time will help heal that, and you have to learn to be patient with yourself.

The service itself was great. It was undoubtedly very difficult, but it really honored him. I have a picture that I can't wait to get from my aunt so I can post it. It was at the burial and it was of my cousins; Jay Waylon and Ben, who are in the military. They were both pall bearers and they presented the flag to my Grandmother. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAghgghghghgh, I don't care who you are and if you didn't know him...if you had been there, you would have been in tears. It was the epitome of honor and respect.

So anyways, life goes on...I am officially an aunt again. Jenny Beth had Baby Jelly (her name is Jaylee, but that's what Ryder calls her) on Tuesday. I got to make a shotgun trip to Odessa on Tuesday to see her, just in time to make it back for visitation that night in Post. Jenny should be over here next week so we can actually see her for a little bit.

I'm looking forward to the weekend, and hopefully we've had our fair share of drama for a while, and we can have some peace and quiet.

Thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers!

J.W. Strawn

2009-06-16T01:20:00.002-05:00

A good one was lost yesterday. We all knew it was coming pretty soon. The family had put my Granddad on hospice a few days prior to his death, but you really still can't prepare yourself for what will come. It makes it all the more real when everyone starts gathering. I am totally exhausted, yet can't sleep. You know how you wake up feeling like you have been sleeping FoReVeR, and it's only 1:30??? To top all of this off, Jenny Beth (lil sister) went into labor yesterday...actually her water broke over the weekend, but she wasn't really sure if that's what it was or not. Sure enough, it was. The Dr. admitted her, and it looks like I will be an aunt sometime sometime soon, if I'm not already. I hate feeling so out of touch and out of control, but she's in Odessa. My mom left Post sometime yesterday afternoon to be with Jenny. I feel really bad for my mom. It's all the logistics of really needing to be two places at once for really important things. It will all work out though, and I know that.

I am really sad about my Granddad. More like numb at this point. He was "one of those"...if you know what I mean. He was a huge part of my upbringing. I have the best memories of childhood due to him and my Grandmother. He was influential to all that knew him. We are all definitely feeling the loss, and will continue to do so. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers.

I honestly don't know how people without God survive. 1. God 2. Family 3. Friends...those three things are like air to me.

**********************

J.W. ''Jim'' Strawn
Avalanche Journal
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 Story last updated at -

Services for J.W. "Jim" Strawn, 90, of Post, will be at 10 a.m. on Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at the Post Church of Christ, 10th & Ave. M. Charles McCook will officiate and Travis Sweet and Jack Gordon will assist. Military Rites will follow in the Terrace Cemetery. Arrangements are under the personal care of Dee and Janet Justice of Justice-Mason Funeral Home.

Jim died on Monday, June 15, 2009 at the Slaton Care Center in Slaton, Texas.

He was born on March 14, 1919 to Joseph Stogden and Parlee Ethel (Furry) Strawn in Grosvenor, Texas. He was raised and attended school there. He went into the Army during WWII and served in the 36th Infantry. After being discharged, he came to San Angelo. He married Bessie Conwell on March 6, 1948 in San Angelo. He worked for Dowell Chemical from 1953 to 1973, working the Abilene area, and then moving to Post in December of 1967. He retired then in 1973. At that time, he started Strawn-Chapman Transport and then in 1978 it became Strawn Transport. He again, retired in 1991. Strawn Transport still continues today under his son, Jay Strawn. Jim served over 42 years as a deacon or elder for the Church of Christ in Abilene and Post. He was a life long member of the Church of Christ. His special interests were his grandchildren, farm, and family vacations.

Survivors include his wife, Bessie; one son, Jay and wife Susan Strawn of Post; three daughters, Mary Ann and husband Jack Gordon of Slaton, Nancy and husband Rick Hoffman of Southlake, and Carolyn and husband Donnie Hair of Post; 11 grandchildren, Suzanne and husband Colt Scott of Lubbock, Larissa Gordon of Lubbock, Jenny Beth Gordon of Slaton, Allison and Lindsay Hoffman of Southlake, Jennifer Strawn of Lubbock, Jay Waylon and wife Anne Strawn of Yuma, Ariz., Lyndee and husband Ben Ayala of Fairfield, Calif.; Codie and wife Sarah Hair of Lubbock, Amanda Hair, and Jason and wife Kenda Hair, all of Post; 14 great-grandchildren, Ryder, Syndee, and Jett Scott of Lubbock, Madi, Kyle, and Mason Manweiler of Lubbock, Jared Wyatt Strawn of Yuma, Ariz., Shelbey, Bailey, and Macey Hair of Lubbock, Brooke and Meagan Blair, Abbi Lechuga, and Jaden and Landon Hair, all of Post.

Memorials are suggested to White River Youth Camp, Portales Children's Home or the Slaton Care Center Activity Fund.

Visitation will be from 6:30 to 8 p.m. today at the funeral home.

Clovis

2009-06-13T16:13:00.003-05:00

Oh yeah, I went back to blonde.

Last Saturday we went to Clovis. We took the kids to the Pioneer Days Parade, and the zoo. It was really great. The kids were wonderful, and I think Barrett's parents had a really nice time too. I took a lot more pictures, but am growing lazier by the day uploading things. I'm putting them all on Facebook...so look there if you want to see them all.

Things have been really good for us. I'm glad the week is over! I had an okay time in Houston. It certainly wasn't a pleasure trip, but the relaxation was nice. I think Barrett and the kids survived without me. He was the one who kept them. He stayed at my place with them, and did a magnificent job! I trust him completely in that arena. He is really amazing as a "dad". I made sure to stock up on easy meals for him to prepare in the evenings, and then got a large can of ravioli for "emergencies"...well the first night I called home to see how things were going he was making the "emergency ravioli." Needless to say, I think he got a first hand taste of what it is like to be a single parent, or just a parent for that matter. They also ended up ordering pizza one night. :) I think he discovered that sometimes just surviving is A-ok. He was a real champ though, he was even thrown up on by Mason and handled it very well. I can't tell you how many times while I was gone and since I've returned home that Barrett has told me, "I don't see how in the world you've done this so long by yourself." I'm not going to lie and say that doesn't make me feel good! :) But I still say that my life is a great example that miracles really do happen! I would have never made it this far without God's amazing help!!!

Tomorrow Barrett and I are going back alone to Clovis for his Granddad's 89th birthday. It will be a nice time, I'm really looking forward to it!

Well, I have to get around here. I have got to get serious about cleaning. I'm just waiting for the health department to show up on my doorstep and tell me operations at my house are fixing to be shut down!!! :)

Have a good weekend!!!

I'm out!

2009-06-07T19:26:00.002-05:00

Things have been busy. I have about 2 minutes to update, and then I have to move on to getting other things done. I'm flying out in the morning to Houston for 3 days. I thought I was going to get to go to Dallas, but they sent me to Houston instead. (It's for work) I wanted to hang out with Jenny while I was there, but alas I will swelter in the Houston humidity instead! Oh well, I'll be in a nice hotel, all expenses paid and a lot of silence in the evening. Well, I say silence, at least there will be a short break from "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy..." but I know I will be ready to get back to it come Thursday night! I will miss my bunch immensely! :)

Things have been good. A lot of transition, a lot of memories made, and all around there have been new ways for my faith to be strengthened. I have lots of pictures to upload, but no time. I'll try to sometime this week.

Have a good week!

Good times

2009-05-25T12:16:00.002-05:00

We're just hanging out relaxing today...well, as much relaxing as you can do with little ones. I will say though, this has been the most relaxed it's been in some time. I'm doing my normal "house mom" thing and watching the kids play.

So far today I've finished all the laundry, cooked lunch, got one out of the toilet, and then took the toy out of his mouth that he took out of the toilet. (I'm just glad the toilet had already been flushed) and helped one child heal from bottom cancer...okay, there's a funny story behind that one. Last week the t.v. was on and they were talking about Farrah Fawcet. Madi asked what was wrong with her. I told her she had cancer. She asked what kind. How do you answer that question nicely, really??? So I told her she had cancer of the bottom. She's been quite intrigued with that.

I can now add cleaning up throw up to the list. Poor Mason has a sinus infection and it's making his tummy upset. However, the doctor said his ears look great! I'm so thankful to hear that!!!

Anyways, it's been a good weekend. Barrett has been gone for over a week now!!! He had to go to Dallas for work through last Friday and then went to Eagle Nest for the weekend with his family. I'm ready for him to be home. He'll get home tonight. I don't want him here, because I want help or anything, although it is nice and he's GREAT at it, but I just want him here. I miss him.

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-19T19:59:00.002-05:00

I can't believe this little boy will be two years old tomorrow! Although I miss him being so small, I'm thankful for the time to heal and move on. I would say his birth was a culmination of a whole lot of thoughts and feelings for me. To be honest, his birth was a very bittersweet time. However, with all the thankfulness I have in me, "Thank you God for being able to look forward with confidence and faith." It's amazing how a reflection of the past can do that for you.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Mason Lee! You have been such a gift to me! I love you!

Mason's B-day party

2009-05-17T20:55:00.003-05:00

We had Mason's 2nd birthday party on Saturday. He will be two years old on the 2oth. So hard for me to believe!!! Let's just say I'm a much happier camper these days than I was two years ago!!! I took about 1 million pictures, but I'm just posting a few. It was a really great party. He had lots of fun!

We had another really busy weekend. I'm ready for it to slow down! We had two parties on Saturday and then another baby shower today in Andrews for my sister Jenny that my mom, Madi, and I went to.

I've been told from here on out to just expect that with kids, May will always be this way!

Rebel

2009-05-07T22:35:00.003-05:00

Isn't he beautiful?! He has been absolutely wonderful. He really is housebroken, doesn't bark and LOVES the kids. So far, it's working out great! I asked Barrett tonight if he realized that just three months after our first date we adopted a dog together. That's a pretty big deal and yes, it does imply things are serious. Really though, we didn't need to adopt a dog to already know that. ;)

Insane

2009-05-06T21:25:00.003-05:00

I have officially lost my mind. I am leaving at noon tomorrow to drive to Amarillo to get a dog. I've kept in on the down low, because we weren't exactly sure if it was going to happen. It's a go though, and when we get back the kids will be so surprised! They have no idea!

We're going to Amarillo to get him, because we're adopting him from the pet shelter there. He's a two year old, full blood, registered boxer. Barrett grew up with boxers and his dog, Cash died two summers ago of cancer. We had talked about it, but I just can't handle a dog on my own. Since Barrett's here, he'll be able to help.

His (the dog's) owners had to give him up, because they were relocating and couldn't keep him. All in all, we're really excited. His name that was given to him was Battle. Who in the world names their dog Battle? We're going to try to change to Rebel. That was the closest thing we could come up with that was close to Battle.

I promised the kids after our little daschund, Frank, ran away two years ago, that we would get another dog one day. My plan was to wait until Mason was three and potty trained, but since this dog is already house broken, not to mention that he's been through obedience school, I'm okay with it. A boxer is a far cry from a little wiener dog, but ironically I always wanted a boxer. I think they're absolutely beautiful!

So once we get back, I'll post pictures. Other than that, things are great. May has got to be the busiest month this year. Between graduations, birthdays, and baby showers, not to mention I'll be an aunt in about a week, and then an aunt again in about another month...things are insane!!! But in a good way!!! :)

Church Services

2009-05-03T13:58:00.006-05:00

This morning at church Barry talked about the influence we have on our kids, in particular a spiritual influence. As I sat there, I thought about this picture. I took it on Friday evening. On that particular evening, I walked into the living room and the patio door was open, as it usually is when the weather is nice. This time the kids were lining up the dining room chairs and the lawn chairs for church services. They asked me to join them, and of course I did. Growing up at my grandparents house, we used to do this all of the time! It brought back fond memories. I don't remember getting the chairs out, but I do remember the old school Church of Christ song books.

I was sitting in my chair laughing at them, because they served gummy bears and sprite for communion. Kyle led his favorite song, "Shout Hallelujah" or Shock Hallelujah (as he calls it) in his underwear and Madi delivered a very hell, fire and brimstone message. She's got a lot to learn!!! :)

I struggle a lot as a mom, and I will make many more mistakes, however, I'm so happy that my kids have a good foundation. That is priceless.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Really?

2009-04-16T15:42:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting here watching Oprah, as I have for the second Thursday in a row. The same Dr. of whatever she's a Dr. of is on there again. Last week was about how to talk to your kids about sex. I agreed with some of it. My mother had the talk with me. My mom's a nurse, so one day I came home from school to a plate of fresh snicker doodles that she had just baked and a hot cup of tea. She had all her anatomy books out and spared no details. As a grown woman, I appreciate and respect that. I will do the same for my daughter, and hope that I will not have to be the person who does that for my sons!

God made us sexual beings...I get that and respect that too, but some of the things that people think and are willing to teach their children are just appalling! If you watched last week, you know what I'm talking about. I can't even bring myself to say some of the things she suggested.

So now fast forward to this week, and there is a 14 year old couple on there who has decided that they're ready to have sex. So this "Dr. Sex" is asking them questions trying to find out just how ready they are. Questions like, 1. How long are ya'll planning on being together? I think his answer was at least 6 months or something like that. The girls response was "forever"...duh, she's a girl. Of course she thinks that. 2. What's going to happen if you get pregnant? 3. Have you thought about STD's?

There are consequences for every action, but what I can't get over is, WHY THE HECK ARE THESE PARENTS LETTING THEIR 14 YEAR OLD CHILDREN DATE??? THAT doesn't even seem to be a question. It's almost like, "well they're going to do it, so we better do what we should to take precautions." And the statistic they're using is that 1/3 of all girls who have sex get pregnant by the time they're 20.

It has been proven that teenagers do not have the mental capability of understanding certain actions and consequences. Their brains just aren't fully formed, which would explain why so many of them seem "alien-like"...so WHY would parents let their children play with fire (because in my opinion if you're letting them date, you're allowing the possibility of it happening) if they're mentally or emotionally handicapped?

I completely understand that sometimes no matter what you do, kids are going to do what they're going to do. However, I don't think that you should just throw your hands up and give up, because "their going to do it anyways"...and hope and pray they don't get an STD, or get pregnant. I know a thing or two about choices and consequences, because I did get pregnant before I got married, and I've never been shy about telling people that. Although, I got a HUGE blessing from my daughter's birth, there were also certain consequences I had to deal with and even at the age of 24, that wasn't easy.

I agree that sexual activity in our society is rampant, but I think it's time parents start being parents and take back a little control for the gift that God gave us.

Okay, I'm off my soapbox now...gotta do some dishes.

My man

2009-04-12T21:03:00.002-05:00

Cynicism is something I have to really be careful about. I love quotes and positive affirmations, but sometimes I just wonder if they're all just tools to help you so that you feel better about whatever it is you're dealing with at the given time. For example, one I read recently said something to the effect of, "Good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Another favorite of mine is, "Everything happens for a reason." I do believe those things and I am a very positive person, but truth be told sometimes life just stinks! We all have such a limited view of life though, and what we see at the moment isn't the bigger picture, so really that's where faith comes into play. It's taking a risk to believe that whatever happens, both good and bad, are all in part of what God really wants for you.

When it comes to relationships, I really have a hard time with that. Granted, I might have a right to feel that way, but the insecurities I have about men and relationships are huge road blocks for me. A friend recently asked me how things were going with my boyfriend and I told her that he's everything I have hoped and prayed for and it scares me. She replied back with, "Why would you pray for something that you wouldn't expect God to deliver." Good point! Well taken!

I am soooo great at being everyone's cheerleader. "You can do it! Nothing is impossible with God!" I have become a really good encourager for others going through a hard time, however, when it comes to myself, I doubt, and I don't want to. I finally have decided over the course of the last couple of days that it's great that I can minister to others by telling them how great God is and how He can change their life, but if I don't truly believe it for myself, then I'm in the wrong!

Life is a gamble, but if you're putting your trust where it should be, then you won't ever lose. That doesn't mean you won't get hurt, and God never promised that you wouldn't, but He did say He would carry you through it.

All that being said, I'll introduce Barrett, my boyfriend. There was a picture of him from my birthday. How this came to be is pretty crazy. We grew up together when I lived in Clovis. My dad worked at the church where we went, and where his dad is still an elder. I thought about it today, but I was Madi's age when I moved to Clovis. We lived there for 6 years, until we moved to the armpit of America, A.K.A. the Rio Grande Valley. That move was definitely one of the more traumatic events of my childhood. I saw him again years later when he came to L.C.U. He doesn't remember, but I remember seeing him at Alpha Chi devo one Wednesday night. I just said hi to him and went on my way. And that was that. Then years later when I was married, Nathan's friend Adam was over at our house. Adam mentioned something about his girlfriend and I asked her name. I immediately knew who he was talking about, because I babysat Barrett and Kara a couple of times when we were younger. ***Hold on there, that might imply I have completely robbed the cradle...we're actually less than two years apart. His mother just wanted to have someone there that was older. Anyways...so since the connection was made that I knew her, Nathan and I and Adam and Kara went to dinner one night. Since that time, there were a few other run ins here and there, one being when Dusty's (Nathan's other best friend from high school) mother died. Kara and her mom came over and we rode together to the graveside service.

So if you're still following me...fast forward many years later until now...I found Kara on myspace, which led me to Barrett. I asked to be his friend, and didn't give it another thought. He would periodically send me a message just to "catch up"...and I'm friendly...so I "caught up". I find out he's been divorced for a while, and so on and so on. I'm extremely dense when it comes to someone hitting on me. He wasn't really hitting on me, but at some point I was thinking that he might like me. I wasn't sure what I thought about that, because he was younger than me and I am a self-admitted age discriminator. Yes, it's only two years, but still...it's my prerogative. Finally he just asked me out. I agreed, with my usual thought, "sure I'll go out with you, because it's a night out for something that I already know isn't going to work, but sure I'll go." HELLO CYNICAL!!!

Him and I laugh about our first date now. I HATE first dates. They completely stink in my opinion. I just hate all the bull and how they can be so superficial, but if you don't have a first date you can't have a second one...so it's kind of necessary.

I was a real peach that night...I know it now. I pretty much tried to shoot him at the front door and not let him in, because I was making a judgment based on my past. I've learned that while every person has free will, you have to let them make their own choices. You can't make them for them. Any man has the prerogative to decide that being a part of my life isn't what they want, but I'm shooting myself in the foot if I try to decide that for them.

So here we are two months later, and it's going really good. He is truly the most amazing guy I know. And while that fear does creep up on me that it could just be too hard, I can't put my faith in Barrett, I have to put it in God. It's a daily effort for me, and one of the biggest leaps of faith for me, but God has carried me through so much, and I'm wrong if I don't believe wholeheartedly in the fact that God is in control...regardless of what the future holds for us.

That would explain my hesitation in talking about him. It's not because I don't want to...he really is awesome and I could talk about him all the time, in which case you probably would all stop reading. The fear of the unknown...the fear of failure...of it not working...those are all the reasons that have stopped me, but ughhh...I'm learning and TRYING VERY HARD to just not be fearful...and use the spirit of love that God has given me.

Easter Weekend

2009-04-10T13:57:00.002-05:00

My time is pretty limited right now. I have approximately 10 minutes before I'm pretty sure one of three things (or all three) will happen. 1. SuzAnne will text me and ask me to come get Sydney up from her nap (She can't lift her kids until the new baby gets here) 2. Mason will wake up from his nap. 3. Madi will say, "Mom can I get up." So here goes...

I took Mason for his follow up with the ENT. Everything looks great! We'll go back in 6 months for another check up. Praise God for that!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't realize that today I didn't have day care for the kids. My dad watched the oldest for me while I took Mason. Then we took him to McDonald's, because you know that's what every 57 year old male wants for lunch!! He said he thinks we just asked him, so that I could have his help to wrestle the kids while we were out...duh! Like I'm going there alone with all three!!! I will, but all the stars have to be aligned just right for me to want to do that.

This weekend will be fun. I have a date with my boyfriend on Saturday night (whew...finally put that one out there that I have a boyfriend. I'll blog about him later. He's the coolest thing since sliced bread.) And then there's Easter! I've grown to love this holiday more and more every year. Last year was neat, because Easter fell on my 30th birthday. My parents are going to go to church with me, and then we're having a big hunt with Colt's family down at Colt and SuzAnne's house.

I just love Easter, because of the hope it gives. I'm given a second chance everyday for what Christ did for me. Over the last couple of months I've come to some big conclusions about life and relationships. A big part of me moving on and moving past my divorce has been deciding if certain relationships benefit me. That may seem selfish, but a big part of moving on is reflecting on what is good for you and what is not. I've let go of a lot, and it's important to continually do that. Don't stay stagnant. Not every relationship from the past is good for you, and if they keep you from mentally and emotionally maturing, then you need to cut it off. I don't think that makes me a bad person or un-Christian like, but instead keeps me moving in the right direction.

So there's my two cents...and so far Mason has woken up, and Madi has asked if she can get up. Time to go!!!

2009-04-08T20:05:00.002-05:00

I registered Kyle today for Kindergarten. Whew...glad that's over. I picked him up for lunch, and as we dined together we talked about what it means to be a big boy. I have really struggled with wondering if he's truly ready for Kindergarten. He's a boy and an August birthday. After getting to school and seeing some of the other kids, I think he's going to be okay. I think my mind has progressed beyond Kindergarten now that Madi is getting older. He's done a lot of maturing over the last couple of months, and I'm working with him very hard to keep up with that trend.

I never shed one tear when Madi when to school. I think I was still in such a fog when she started Kindergarten. I was so focused on day to day surviving. It didn't even phase me that my oldest was starting school. Today, however, I got upset! Writing this just makes me tear up! They took all the kids out with the teachers while the principal met with us, and when they brought them back in they lined them all up and sang us a song they learned. I lost it!! Man, I'm getting older and my babies aren't babies anymore!!!

On another note, I've declared myself officially insane! I probably should have declared that a long time ago, but I waited until now. I got accepted into a teacher certification program this time last year, but never pursued it. I committed to it last week, and started my online classes. It's not hard, just time consuming. I just decided that there's really not going to ever be a good time for me to get it done, so I just need to dive in and do it! If I can survive until the end of July, and pass my test, I'll be certified to teach Special Education. I'm not exactly for sure when and if I'll get a job, I just want to have it done...ya know, in case. I think it's a good plan. I want to pursue my Masters, but right now that's just not an option for me. This was going to be the quickest route, and I'll worry about not being "as qualified" as someone else with a Bachelor's in Education would be later. Actually, I won't worry about it at all, God will work all of that out for me.

Things are good, so much has been changing around our house. There are lots of new transitions, new memories, and new challenges all at the same time. I've really been blessed with a lot, and I'm so thankful.

2009-04-05T15:47:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

My Birthday Girl

2009-04-04T11:01:00.003-05:00

Madi with her teacher, Ms. B

It's so hard for me to believe that 7 years ago tonight I became a mom to this beautiful little girl! We are having her party tonight at Mr. Gatti's. Right now she's at my parents house spending the day with them so that I can surprise her when she comes home to a room done up in High School Musical. She's going to be so excited!

Yesterday I surprised her with lunch at school and then came back that afternoon with cupcakes for her class. It was a busy day, needless to say!

Madelyn Grace is such a special little girl! A bit dramatic at times, but I can't say that I know a little girl that's not! She has been such a precious joy to me and a constant source of laughter. I'll post b-day part pictures later, and a picture of her new pet rock, Robin. Yes, there's a story behind that one. There's always a story with Miss Madi!!!

Take it from me...

2009-03-31T14:06:00.003-05:00

"When someone shows you who they are; believe them." Maya Angelou

I heard this quote a few weeks ago and thought it was great. Sometimes I wonder if I have become so self-absorbed in my life to where I am cold and calloused to the events that tend to go on around me. I don't actually mean that I have a hardened heart, quite the opposite, but sometimes I just wonder if I'm too hard on certain people. Do I not give them the benefit of the doubt? Am I missing something? Is there more to the story than what I'm being told? Sure there is, there's always two sides to the story, but anybody can talk all day long. It's their actions that are so telling. So really, all I have to go off of are their actions. I try not to even pay attention to the words anymore, because I've been shown who they are and I have to believe it.

It's actually been quite liberating! :)

Busy times

2009-03-30T08:17:00.005-05:00

It just seems that week to week things get busier around here. I've finally convinced myself that it will never slow down. There is always something that can fill your time or something that can be added to your "to do" list. So starting at 10:15 this morning I'm turning my phone off and having some "me" time, and I'm getting my massage. I can't wait! I haven't had one in years!!! Unfortunately, I will have to turn my phone back on, but for an hour I will live in peace and tranquility. Then the rest of my day, just like the rest of my week will be filled with lots of stuff to do.

There's been lots of changes going on around our house. I believe they're all good though, despite some uncertainty that goes along with it. I guess I've learned all too well over the last almost three years (holy cow...three years???) that there is a lot of certainty in uncertain times, because God has a hand in it all. I've learned to rest in that. And I'm even a little bit excited about what the future will bring. So far it's all been good. I'm very thankful for the things that have been brought into my life that have taught me to be pro-active to prepare for those uncertain times.

Madi's birthday is this Saturday. She will be 7 years old! I just can't believe it!!! That makes me feel a little bit old! And I got a letter last week about Kindergarten orientation for Kyle. Oh man...two kids in public school?!?! There is still a possibility that Kyle won't start Kindergarten this coming up school year, but I'm going to go ahead and register him to be safe. We'll see. I've also learned that in our world so much can change in just a few months time.

Last night was my last class for Financial Peace University at Sunset. It was great! I enjoyed that series so much, and it did so much for me! The biggest lesson I got out of it was that there is hope out there and now I have a plan to be debt free. When our class started 13 weeks ago we added up all our debts (minus mortgages) and it totaled over $1.2 Million as a class. By the end of the 13 weeks our total debt was down to just over $600,000. That's crazy!!! I highly recommend everyone looking into attending that series. I know Sunset will start a new class in June. There are also a lot of other churches in Lubbock that hold the classes as well. It can really change your life!

That's about it for now. I hope y'all have a great week!

My Birthday Part II

2009-03-24T09:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was my real birthday. We just started the celebration last week since the kids were gone for 2 days. It was so awesome! I had the best birthday this year. Everyone made it special for me and so far my 31st has been the greatest yet! I got lots of great gifts, and a gift certificate for a massage that I will be using very, very soon! I even got flowers twice! One from the kids, nieces and nephews, and then one from someone very special to me. :)

This morning we got up bright and early and went in to get Mason's tubes in his ears. Unlike Kyle, he did not react well at all!!! I'm deaf from all the screaming and I feel like I've been in a wrestling match. So I am off to take a nap since I just got him quiet. Hopefully those tiny tubes will be the best birthday present!!!

My Birthday

2009-03-21T21:26:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

A reason to smile! :)

2009-03-14T14:55:00.005-05:00

This child makes me laugh sooo much! I had to take her to the doctor this morning. It's the weekend, so we saw the pediatrician on call. She was very worried about what they would do to her. She doesn't like to be poked or prodded. Really, who does? So, the doctor comes in to listen to her heart, and she says, "oh I like this part." He said, "You have a really strong heart and I bet it's very big." Madi replies, "Yes, and it's full of love."

A little bit later, they have to do a strep test. I dread this, because...well, I know my daughter. After about the third attempt, Madi looks at the nurse and says, "excuse me, I need to pray." So she leans over to me and starts praying to herself. A minute later she was ready.

She also told the nurse that "she predicted that the Doctor would tell us there was nothing wrong and she just needed lots of rest." She was right about that, the strep test was negative. It's all just viral.

I was so blessed with her birth. She completely amazes me and I can't wait to see the little woman she grows up to be.

Good times

2009-03-13T10:16:00.002-05:00

Last weekend I was so lucky to get to go Dallas to celebrate Jenny and Tim's 30th birthday. Emily planned a surprise party at Joe T. Garcia's for them and they had no idea! It was so awesome!!! There was a huge group of us there for the occasion, and it was just the best time ever! I was so thankful for the weekend with my old roommates and friends. I love these girls!!!

I got back into town last Sunday night and life started back on Monday. It's been one of those weeks. Plans have changed for the kids for Spring Break. They won't be going to Nebraska anymore, but it can't be helped, so it's okay. I'm making alternate plans though...so all parties involved will have a nice Spring Break. I'll be really honest, it was a really big disappointment for everyone, especially my almost 7 year old.

Then some other changes started happening too. I'm still trying to process it all. I'm not sure what I think, or what I will do. I know how I'll handle it, and that's with the best attitude possible, because God is in control. I've said it before and I believe it to be true, but "Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."

Have a good weekend!

2009-03-02T21:05:00.002-06:00

I spoke too soon...man, what a turd. But really, that's what you get for subjecting yourself to that kind of emotional torture. (In regards to the Bachelor if you're confused.)

Takin' a break...

2009-03-02T20:36:00.002-06:00

I'm just sitting here watching The Bachelor. He picked Melissa...woohoo!!! She was my favorite.

Anyways, I'm taking a bloggy break. Don't read too much into it; things are good. I'm just stepping out for a while and livin' life. Heaven knows I've got lots of that to do. I've got a lot going on this month, and I need to focus completely on that. I can't imagine myself being out too long. I just know when I don't update regularly, I start getting emails from people checking up on me, and I love that, but no need to worry. I am GOOD. I am BLESSED.

Me and Chris

2009-02-27T14:06:00.005-06:00

This topic must have been more popular than I thought. I had one person text me today and ask me if I was dating a guy named Chris. I said, "Chris who?" They said, "Chris Brown." No, no, no. I'm not dating Chris Brown. I'm just a huge fan, well...was. I still like his music, just think he needs some serious anger management counseling and maybe a good kick in the butt, so that he knows what it feels like. But other than that, that's the extent of our relationship. Besides, he's only 19...that is just a little bit too young for me.

Topic one down...nine more to go, I think?

I'm trying

2009-02-26T21:11:00.003-06:00

Blank..............................................

Possible blog topics on my mind:

1. Selfishness
2. The economy...yawn
3. Multiple ways to make yourself a doormat
4. Why another church in Lubbock is looking very appealing to me, because of the AWESOME single mom's program they have.
5. Spiritual gifts
6. Discernment
7. My plans for my Birthday
8. Chris Brown
9. The perils of having a VERY tender heart. Very.
10. Free will...is it really free???